Brace yourselves, PopWatchers: According to MTV Europe, Jessica Simpson is planning to release a photography book ("mostly of landscapes, of the sky, clouds"), accompanied by personal journal entries. Yes, you read that right: journal entries! No, I haven’t seen any of them yet. But that’s not going to stop me from making some up, as follows:
"I got extenshuns from my bff/hairdresser Ken Paves today. The spring breeze makes them flow. It’s hard to take pictures of the breeze, but if you look real hard, I think you can see it."
"The peak of that mountain looks like Ashlee’s old nose. JK, Ashlee… LOL! Your really butiful pretty!"
"Darkness descending? Or did I forget to take off the lens cap?"
"That cloud is enormiss. Just like Vanessa Minnillo’s enormiss butt! HA!"
"Ouch! It hurts to look at the sun!"
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“Today I took a pitcher of a cloud that looked like a bunny! That’s art!”
This belong under THINGS THAT MAKE ME DIE INSIDE.
“what do clouds smell like?”
I don’t know who is more pathetic:
1. Jessica Simpson for not going away.
2. Michael Slezak for thinking this is even worth writing about.
3. Me for even commenting.
Honestly, does anyone care about her anymore? Her, her skanky little sister, and her perverted Dad all need to just go…POOF!!!
bless you slezak. damn you to hell, simpson.
“Look at that beautiful buffalo! How do they make wings out of it?”
“It’s foggy… or is it just my head?”
“Here I tried to replicate Salvador Da Vinci.”
“I love soft focus!”
“Pretty sheep… I feel strangely comfortable with them…”
Jessica: “John is so tall, his view of the clouds is much better than mine” *pout*.
My respect for John Mayer has taking a complete nosedive.
It was going to a book of poetry and photographs but thinking of words to rhyme with tree made my head hurt.
I walk in a woods and what do I see
The wise old trunk of a tall, tall tree
How special thy branches whose song sings to me
Sing on, wise old tree, sing for everybody
“Vast expanses of empty space. Ouch! What’s that bright light? Oh wait. I should turn the camera around.”
Let’s see…she’s 0 for 2 as far as being a “singer” and “actress”…let’s see if she can go for the golden sombrero and go 0 for 4 by whiffing at being a “photographer” and “author”
Didn’t she already write a book about planning your perfect wedding (and divorce)?
-”This pitcher of a cow is funny, oh wait! Paris! How the hell did you get in the frame?”
-”Using the telephone lens to zoom in on a mirror image of myself: MY BOOBS ARE HUGE!”
-”This group of African kids on the prairie came out super nice! Those Brangelina kids are way too cute!”
-”My sister is making a funny face in the camera. Oh, OOPS! that’s just a pitcher of her before the surgery, how’d that get in there?”
-”A pitcher of a person taking a pitcher. Dad let me see yours. Dad? Why are my boobs taking up the whole frame?”
O dear, I can go on and on. This is a fun blurb. Hazah, Slezak!
As much as she causes me to have seizures, I have to give J.Simpson props for being a hustler. She sings, “acts” in movies and on television (oops, I forgot that was reality TV), takes pictures, “writes”, she hocks perfume, shoes, hair weave, and jeans for bootylicious women. Next thing you know, she’ll be selling mixtapes out of the back of her car. Yeah, she’s annoying, but the women knows how to diversify.
I know this is somewhat off subject, but does anyone recall the episode of 90210 where David got all p.o.ed because Donna slept with that dude after him. I just think it was kinda unfair of Jessica to make Nick wait all those years, and now they get divorced (which seems contrary to the whole virgin till marriage thing) and now you know she’s bangin’ John Mayer. Poor Nick.
But you see, Jen, that’s the thing that I loathe about ALL of today’s celebri-nothings. They have to get their hands in EVERYTHING. I remember seeing some clip of Paris on the news, and they asked her what she was doing. She rattled off like 40 different projects she had going – music CD, book, movies, commercials, clothing, perfume, alpaca farming, architectural iron work, etc. It’s like they have NO clue about any of this stuff, but because the lemmings gave them the time of day, we’re stuck seeing them marketed EVERYWHERE. I mean, at least Jessica sang at one point. Paris is the biggest do nothing in history. Even the rappers get annoying with the energy drinks that they pimp. Who needs Lil John in their face all of the time?
I said it before, we have this problem with everyone needing to be seen and heard – thinking they are entitled to it. They aren’t. Most of these people – Jessica included – should just piss off out of it.
“This is a picture of a postcard I got of the Grand Canon. I was trying to go and see the real one but it turns out you have to get out of the car and, like, walk.”
“OMG! You see that color in the middle of the sunset? The pinky purply one? I totaly have some nail polish in EXACTLY that color!”
“This is a cave in a mountan. I think Natev- Nadiv- Injuns live there. They have the best facial products.”
Oh, Michael, Michael….. although I promised never to read something on this brainless twit, I broke my promise, and got a much-needed levity for the afternoon. However, now back to reality, please do not write anymore about this woman; she is going to believe she still matters……
Trust me, Nick is better off without her and her freak family. Maybe he can come out of the closet now, too.
Oh boy Jessica Simpson do something like this!Are you sure she is not on crack or something.WOW what has this world come to.I think her brain will over-heat if she has to think very hard.Oh and for one thing her ex-hubby Nick Lachey can come stay the night with me anytime!!!I love Nick!!That sexy thang he is!!!!
Haha, love the Ashlee comment, especially using the wrong “your”
Nice touch, Slezak
As a struggling photographer, it’s nice to know that lil’ Jessica is going to get a book of cloud snapshots published.
Slezak, that was the best laugh I had all month. Meow! Loved it!
“clodes crie to”
“the sun dryed my pimpals on my knew face adn I did not have to use my pro-active twoday”
Jessica is looking a little weird now. Did she get some work done?
Please! I hope she sticks to photography. She can’t ruin the clouds, but she can ruin songs by trying to sing. I can’t sing but I don’t pretend to.
Phantom–loved your comments. Completely agree!
DMA 69–my sentiments, exactly…now, I’m going to take a swig of some hard liquor and maybe it’ll all go away.
AS I said before-Oh boy Jessica Simpson do something like this.Are you sure she is not on crack or something?Wow what has this world come to?I think her brain will over-heat if she has to think very hard!Oh and for another thing her ex-hubby Nick Lachey can come stay the night with me anytime!!! I love Nick!!That SEXY thang he is!!!!
BEST. POPWATCH. ENTRY. EVER.
DUDE! THIS.IS.SO.F*N.FUNNY!!
“Everything is not bigger in texas, especially thinking.”