So I’ve been thinking more about that Arcade Fire show I went to see last week, and I can’t free myself from this idea that, in the universe of indie bands, there are some that are trying to share the same patch of musical real estate… although there may be room for only one group on that patch.
Case in point: The Arcade Fire and Sufjan Stevens’ Illinoisemakers.
Think about it. Both groups sing artsy, sensitive songs using a variety of adorably retro instruments. Both have at least 10 members on stage at any time. Both suffer from an overabundance of sincerity.
But in a cage match, who would win? Let’s evaluate.
Fighting Power
Arcade Fire: Rage; existential pain
Sufjan: Jesus
Advantage: Sufjan
Themes
Arcade Fire: Rage; existential pain
Sufjan: Jesus; the 50 states
Advantage: Arcade Fire
Instrumentation
Arcade Fire: Pipe organ; giant silver stand-up bass; accordian; angry Butler brother
Sufjan: Xylophone; very pretty women with shiny hair
Advantage: Arcade Fire
Costumes
Arcade Fire: None
Sufjan: Cheerleading sweaters; pom-poms
Advantage: Sufjan
Lead Singer Charisma
Arcade Fire: Win Butler’s rictus mask; Régine Chassagne’s (pictured, left) evil fairy thing
Sufjan: Sufjan’s (pictured, right) acne-free choir-boy complexion
Advantage: Arcade Fire, unless we are shooting a Noxzema commercial
Choreography
Arcade Fire: head thrashing; megaphone shouting; singalongs in middle of crowd
Sufjan: Jesus says no dancing
Advantage: Arcade Fire
WINNER
Clearly, the Arcade Fire could kick Sufjan’s ass.
And there you have it! The first-ever PopWatch Battle of the IndieBands for the Same Patch of Galactic Hipster Real Estate. Note the wayI have not pointed out the way Broken Social Scene’s Leslie Feist andEmily Haines could blow every person in both of these bands away withone cock of a sassy hip, thus making all the rest of the categoriesmoot.
Did I call this one right, PopWatchers? Choose sides! And who else could use a cage match to determine indie supremacy?
Comments (1-30) of 43 Add your comment
All I’ll say is that Dan Bejar, Neko Case and AC Newman and the rest of the New Pornographers would be champions of any indie-rock fight.
Sufjan who????????
I think you were wrong, you have to factor in the new butterfly costumes Sufjan’s band used on the last tour, and add the fact that while the battle was going on, Sufjan could write an entire album on the battle, while we’ll be lucky get another Arcade Fire cd in three years after the next one. Winner: Sufjan.
What I’d really like to see is everyone teaming up on Panic at the Disco, knock ‘em around a little bit, take away their record deal, stuff like that.
Good call, Robert. But could the New Pornographers withstand Stephin Merritt’s subsonic basso profondo voice of death?
Sufjan Stevens is more amazing then any musical artist in the world. How come you didn’t mention that the music Sufjan Stevens writes is far more beautiful and complex then anything by Arcade Fire. Granted, Aracade Fire is better then most of the music around today, but I definitly feel that Sufjan is the best of all music artists today.
please do more of this. this was amazing.
Not to mention Sufjan’s rocking a Grizzly Adams beard these days, which musses up that choirboy complexion.
And you gave Sufjan’s instrumentation short shrift – the boy can play pretty much any instrument you can think of.
I think it’s obvious whose team I’m on, though….
yeah, “indie rock.”
Man Man knows no limit to instrumentation.
Man Man bests all. period.
your forgot HOTNESS, which Sufjan clearly wins.
Quote from Chicago’s Pitfork Festival last summer: “Dude, Man Man is Bad Bad.”
Brian Jonestown Massacre should be declared the rulers of indy rock. At least Anton Newcombe would probably want it that way…
you forgot nationality.
canadians dont fight.
we just win.
ha.
Who cares?
I like both but Sufjan has the hotness thing going for him.
I don’t understand why these two are battling. What do they have in common – earnestness? But aren’t Arcade Fire earnest rockers and Sufjan an earnest folkie. These bands aren’t comparable. You should compare AF to Death Cab or Sufjan to Bright Eyes or at least something where they’re actually competing for the same real estate.
I like them both, so I guess the winner is Sufjan. He makes me listen to, and actually buy, music I’d normally think is whiny and cloying.
By the way, your assumption that the fighting power of Jesus is stronger than the one-two combo of Rage and Existential Pain is quite a stretch.
The Arcade fire takes that category as well.
SUFJAN IS THE GREATEST!
i dont know what your talking about
The heard The Decemberists stole Arcade Fire’s milk money and left Sufjan Stevens hanging on a flagpole by his underwear!
this is dumb!
Sufjan vs. Bonnie Prince Billy (aka Will Oldham, Palace Music)? or The Arcade Fire vs. The Dears?
Arcade Fire vs. Broken Social Scene…
Now, that’s a true cage match of indie collectives.
Hmmm…I’d like to dispute the ruling on the Choreography category. Jesus never said no dancing. In fact, in his book, one of his heroes–David–strips to his underwear and dances before God, and those who mock him get cursed. “I’ll become even more undignified than this” says David, and dang it if wearing huge wings like Sufjan does doesn’t seem more undignified. Plus, God invented dancing. So there.
Lemon Curry?
Definitely not enough credit to Sufjan for instrumentation, plus rage and existential blah blah are way overrated. I don’t even care about Jesus and still LOVE to listen to Sufjan.
Agree with Sean that Sufjan’s music is far more beautiful and complex than Arcade Fire. Apparently, that makes Sufjan a sissy who gets his butt whupped by “rage.”
Plus, his album inserts are hilarious and creative.
Oh c’mon, this is trying to compare highly sensitive apples and oranges! If you want a cagematch, bring Sufjan up against Andrew Bird and go from there.
Speaking of the Judson Church shows Arcade Fire did, you can now download the final show as a podcast or listed on your computer. Listening now, it’s great.
Almost a good idea for a blog post, not quite though.
i’m all for seeing as many of them as possible gang up on panic! at the disco. (broken social scene will most likely be our point. other suggestions should be taken, however.) but nonetheless, i have a feeling those four little brats will fight dirty…