Write your own Oscar acceptance speech for NPR

Sally_lNPR launched a "Write Your Own Oscar Speech" contest on Monday. You have until Feb. 17 to compose something under 200 words that’ll trump Sally Field”s "You like me!" speech (pictured). This should not be difficult.

Unfortunately,  you can’t send in an acceptance speech for the way you personally "acted out" your life in 2006 ("I’d like to thank YouTube, and God.") No, it needs to be something one of the nominees in the four acting categories would say, in character. The hell? I’m sure there’s a digital stampede (what would that sound like? a beep?) of bored souls ready to assume the persona of Helen Mirren. NOT. Funny that the example speech NPR came up with was from the mouth of Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat, who wasn’t even nominated.

addCredit(“Sally Field: AP”)

Okay, so here’s my entry for Eddie Murphy, with little to no regard for NPR’s rules:

"Whatzupwitu? No really, Whaaaat’s uuuup wiiiit yuuu? Don’t bother answering. You know, if I hadn’t floated in a magical land of clouds and cartoon musical notes with Michael Jackson, which I did because I am an innovator,maybe I wouldn’t be such a star today. So goes life. Always is the mountains / Always is the trees /Always is the ocean, always is the seas. I never realized how redundantthose lyrics were. Hey, thank you for this Academy Award for Dreamgirls. I just may put the statue in my butt. Put, put the statue in my butt…Put everything in your butt / Just start to sing about your butt /Feels real good / When you sing about your butt. Guess what time it is?You know what time it is. PARTY TIME. My Oscar wants to Party All The Time / Party all the time / Party all the ti-iiiime. I am BACK, world! Goodnight!"

OK your turn. Go.

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Comments (25 total) Add your comment
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  • SJ

    I wonder if Hugh Laurie’s Golden Globes speech gave them the idea.

  • Fatima

    Wow. Sally Field looks so much better now!

  • Ed

    “I would like to thank all the house keepers, nannies, gardeners – that’d be all of Mexico – for taking the time to take your bosses ballot and voting for me!” YOU LOVE ME, YOU REALLY LOVE ME!

  • NineDaves

    Giiiiirl, I look good tooo-night! I have never been so thin. And damn baby, I am so thrilled to have won this award. I mean, could anyone else have won it? I don’t think so. Certainly not that piece who thinks she’s better than everybody. She ain’t better than anybody, she ain’t nothing but common. I’m sure glad she moved, moved, moved right out of my life. And now I’m back – and I’m not going. This may be one night only for Oscar, but I am chaaannnging – trying every way I can. Cause this time… Effie White is gonna… WIIIN.

  • Ms Daisy

    “….and I’d like to thank my husband, George Clooney, for his love and support.”

  • Jessica

    Um, NineDaves is my hero.

  • Ruby

    Aside from God, I have no one to thank but myself.

  • Mark

    I would like to thank everyone on the film I’m still speaking with.

  • brandonk

    Oh my god, that is a real song? I really can’t believe it. Was it like, sincere? Or was it supposed to be a joke? “Put a little tiny man in your butt”? Wow.

  • Alexander Bernal

    I thank the Academy for their generosity. I must also thank my director. Stephen Frears, for his deft direction. The death of Princess Diana was a tragedy shared by all who loved her. In my travels around the world, I have come to understand how beloved she was. I hope this film does justice to the story of how the people triumphed in their desire to give Diana a fitting public funeral.

  • daisyj

    I don’t have anyone in particular in mind, but I think it would be pretty awesome to just go up there, take the Oscar, say “Thank you very much” and then walk off before they even started playing the music.

  • Laura

    To Daisyj: That’s actually pretty much what Morgan Freeman did when he won. And yes, it was awesome.

  • lana

    Annie Barrett rules! How come her posts are so few and far bettween?

  • lana

    Annie Barrett rules! How come her posts are so few and far bettween?

  • Karaoke God

    It appears to me that Oscar, the Academy……whatever you want to be called has finally made the decision to pick a winner who doesn’t deserve it for this film. I deserved it for Goodfellas, I deserved it for the mess I left in the toilet before I got into my limo this evening. You know what…..I refuse to take your pity and would like for you to give me the lifetime achievement Oscar instead of this cheap attempt to make up for your past mistakes. Now maybe you can start voting correctly after I have officially called you out. My name is Martin Scorcese, I don’t need an award to know that I am awesome. Does this speech make you laugh, Am I funny, am I a clown to you. I hope so because I actually really am honored for this award, I just wanted to make some people scared. I guess after this I will never win another one. I guess I have to stop I hear the music playing.

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