Worst Christmas Songs Ever?

144041__simply_lIt’s easy enough to identify the best Christmas tunes (like every track on the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, perhaps?), but worst is a bit harder. The self-sacrificing foks at Retrocrush, however, have made their picks and posted the videos. Clearly, Paul McCartney’s "Wonderful Christmas Time" (pictured) is wretched; I imagine those unstoppable synth lines are what it would sound like if one of those little worms from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan were put into my ear. But NewSong’s "The Christmas Shoes"? That’s a new one. And what a video: the kid is dressed in a Dickensian urchin cap, his mother in a pilgrim hat, and apparently — if we go by the gigantic bottle of nasal spray by her bed — she’s dying of a really intense sinus infection. I can’t think straight after watching that. Help me PopWatchers. What are your choices for the Worst Christmas Songs Ever?

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  • Sara

    I listened to about ten seconds of “Christmas Shoes” before being utterly disgusted. It’s tripe. Schmaltzy tripe. Banal schmaltzy tripe with a heaping helping of fake sentimentality.

  • Andie

    My office plays “Wonderful Christmas Time” over and over and I grow to hate it more each tiime. So for me you hit the nail on the head.

  • thwarted

    Tom Petty’s horrible mumbleathon “Christmas All Over Again,” which I now have memorized, along with “Wonderful Christmas Time,” thanks to a fun seasonal job at [department store redacted]. Grr-arg.

  • ¡JB!

    “Christmas Shoes” makes me physically ill, but it pales in comparison to “Dear Mr. Jesus.” Remember that one? Sure it’s a serious subject, but the execution is horrid, especially when the dude comes in wailing — Michael Bolton-esque — at the end.

  • Mike

    SO bad it’s good: Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, “Little Drummer Boy.” I die laughing every time!

  • Vickie

    Hey, what’s all the hate for “Wonderful Christmas Time”? It has been my favorite Christmas song since I was a kid!
    But I gotta say that the worst Christmas song has to be “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey. It constantly plays at my job, and I feel like tearing up the stereo every time I hear it. Puh-leez!!!!!She could’ve switched Christmas for Halloween, and it would’ve been the same thing!!!!

    • bigg3469

      You ever heard Hillary Duff sang her version of “wonderful christmastime” with the cheesy celeste opening with that horrid little girl singing “off-key”? AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!!!!!!! I RATHER HEAR SIR PAUL & WINGS preform the classic original version! And I agree on Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is You” and her version of Santa Claus is Coming To Town”!!

  • Tiff in the OK

    Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christam is You” drives me up a wall every time I hear it. And when she screeches that last “Yooo-oooh-yoooooouuuuuu” gah make it stop!!!!

  • Tiff in the OK

    Obviously Vickie and I are on the same page

  • Ceballos

    The best “bad” Christmas song is Billy Mack’s “Christmas is All around” from “Love Actually. Period.

  • Jakeem

    Hey, I LOVE “Wonderful Christmastime”! And John Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War Is Over).” If Ringo ever does a Christmas song, I will like it, too!

  • Kat

    Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree and Jingle Bell Rock. AND every Christmas song performed by the Beach Boys, eeeeyyuuuuch.

  • junior

    It must just be but I don’t find “Wonderful Christmastime” that bad. Then again, I love 80s Disney music and it kinda sounds like that. Is it degrees of badness as in Macca should have done something better than that or do you really think it’s that bad? Discuss.
    Anyway, one really bad holiday song I love is “The Night Before Christmas” from Carly Simon. Everyone I know hates this song, but I love it! It’s from the “Mixed Nuts” movie soundtrack, which is a holiday movie only I like. Wow, I’m discovering so much about myself…

  • Kat

    Oh no, I LOVE Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You!! It’s one of my absolute (modern) favorites, that and Springsteen’s Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Mariah’s song is just so happy, I can’t help but feel all giddy every time I hear it.

  • Madeleine

    I’m with Mike….Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, “Little Drummer Boy.” Ugh.

  • Fran

    I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas- Gag me!!!

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