Last night, we reached that shameful point in every season of The Bachelor when I send my inner feminist out to Pizzeria Uno, so I can enjoy the hideous spectacle of the "Women Tell All" episode without getting the urge to slap the bejesus out of myself. Sadly, though, the expectedly shrill sound of vitriol oozing forth from skinny, rejected singletons was downright muted, and even the few callouts of "bitch" and "prostitute" seemed halfhearted. You know it’s a weak episode when the highlight involves previously aired footage of a drunken Kim collapsing into the producers’ lighting equipment. ("Hey, at least I made history, right?" she shrugged. Um, sure.) That said, last night did raise a few burning questions.
1) Were the producers employing a laugh track, or was the studio audience totally wasted? I ask because surely, those outbursts from mumble-mouthed Erica (pictured) — like her feeble "I’m giving myself a rose because I deserve one!" — couldn’t have resulted in all the delighted howling that followed, could it? I mean, it’d be so much easier to love loathing Erica, to revel in her steady stream of put-downs — "Agnese looks more like a nanny or a maid than a princess" — if she weren’t such an appallingly bad actress. Everything she says and does seems designed to score screen time, nothing more, and it’s not remotely entertaining, no matter how many times host Chris Harrison insists it is.
2) Is it just me, or can you picture Lisa saying, "Omigod, shoes!"?Not that that has anything to do with anything — I just can’t shakethe idea, and I had to share. I thought the other bachelorettes wentpretty easy on Lisa, but then again, are you really gonna kick a chickwho’s defending her sanity while watching footage of herself trying ona wedding gown for a guy on their third date?
3) Anyone else want to lobby for Agnese as the next Bachelorette?She’s barely fluent in English, and yet her one-liners were thefunniest of the night, particularly when describing her three-persondate with Erica and Lorenzo. "If Lorenzoliked Erica, please don’t like me!" she exclaimed, and later, pumpingher fist with delight, she described the evening’s outcome, "I comeback home with rose, and without Erica! Yessss!" Who knows? Maybe thisTV dating thing will turn out well for her after all.