Fox Gets Picklered

151353__kellie_l_1American Idol fans, rejoice: Kellie Pickler, Idol finalist, noted linguist and my fellow North Carolinian, won’t be fading quietly into the mists of obscurity. No: She will be sent out on the flaming funeral barge also known as a Fox sitcom.

Yes, the sweetest of Picklers will get her own show. According to Variety, she’ll play a "naive small-town Southern girl" (check aaaaaand… check) who finds out the state’s governor is her biological father. I think every naïve small-town Southern girl remembers that special time in her life when she found out the governor was her biological father. Gosh, I remember when I found out my father was the Durham County vice-game warden… but I digress. Point is, this is a universal story, and a perfect vehicle for our Pickles.

We have, as usual, invented obtained a script (after the jump):

SCENE 1: SEAFOOD RESTAURANT

SHELLY STICKLER
Are you my real daddy?

GOVERNOR STEREOTYPE P. FATBACK
Yes, Shelly.

SHELLY STICKLER
Oh my GAW, y’all! Well, Daddy, what’s for dinner?

GOVERNOR STEREOTYPE P. FATBACK
I don’t know, Shelly. My eyes are full of emotional tears. Can you read the menu?

SHELLY STICKLER
Sall-a-mon!

[laughter]

GOVERNOR STEREOTYPE P. FATBACK
Shelly, you’re the most adorable failure of our state’s education system.

SHELLY STICKLER
Can I sing a song now?

GOVERNOR STEREOTYPE P. FATBACK
You go right ahead.

SHELLY STICKLER
[Like, "Unchained Melody," y’all!]

GOVERNOR STEREOTYPE P. FATBACK
You make me proud, Shelly Stickler! I wish I had 40 more out-of-wedlock children just like you. Oh wait… I do!

[laughter, mild opprobrium]

Yeah, there are still some rough edges. But it’s solid idea — based ona screen treatment by Stanley Kubrick, from what I understand.

Comments (29 total) Add your comment
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  • Ep Sato

    Maybe they can get Darth Vader to play the role of Governor and set the story on Tatoine instead of the South. I’d watch it then.
    Darth Vader is a scandalous old-style dixiecrat inspired governor with an illegitimate daughter, a protester who is opposed to the descision to allow the Death star to be built near their planet.

  • aramis

    Wow, I wish I could comment…but unfortunately (well, fortunately for me, that is), when it comes to ANYTHING related to American Idol*, I choose LIFE.
    That’s one rock I’ll GLADLY continue to live under.
    (*Kelly Clarkson, a notable exception).

  • Aron

    Wow thats a really great idea. Fox should give everyone on AI their own show. *cough*
    Ive never actually watched American Idol….

  • Josh

    Whatever you think of this idea, it’s actually a savvy move on FOX’s part. They haven’t successfully launched a new comedy in years (and cancelled the few good ones like “Arrested,” “Andy Richter Controls,” etc. with “The Loop” on notice I’m sure). They could launch this in January and pair it with the “American Idol” half hour results show. Thus, those who don’t watch “Idol” are spared, while the millions who do might just stick around for an unlikely blockbuster comedy. At least, I’m sure that’s what FOX is hoping, but if it ends up being lame, people will tune out.

  • Josh

    p.s. I mean launch it next year, Jan/Feb of 2008.

  • Phil

    Fox’s track record with sitcoms other than half hour Sunday night cartoons has been diastrous, but who knows? Fans of American Idol seem to really like the Pickler Monster. Country singers can carry a sitcom, I mean look how many years REBA stayed on the air! YEE HAW!!!

  • Ep Sato

    Oh, Josh, I had forgotten about Andy Richter’s hilarious show, and have been catching arrested development on g4 to attempt to drown out the sorrow of having some of the best comedies on tv taken from us well before their time. And to think Home Improvement lasted for like 7 seasons while these shows were tossed like old candy wrappers.

  • Maria

    Give me a break, Kelly is getting her own show. Who knew that having a ok voice and being dumb could get you a career. I think they are many other actors that they should of given the show too instead of dumb dumb Kelly.

  • Dummocrats.com

    Fox Gets Picklered

    Fox Gets Picklered

  • KC

    How sad. One of the best sitcoms of all time, Arrested Development, gets cancelled yet Fox will put money behind this garbage.

  • to Maria

    We all knew that having an ok voice and being dumb could get you a career. Simpson sisters anyone?

  • daisyj

    “The flaming funeral barge also known as a Fox sitcom” is now the front-runner for Popwatch Line of the Day.

  • Julie

    I just spit the apple I was chewing out of my mouth over the flaming funeral barge line. Hilarious, stuff Scott! Didn’t know you were from NC, hate it for you. I live in NC now, moved here from SF six years ago and I still don’t know what hit me. You nailed it with the “Oh my GAW ya’ll!” Really enjoyed this particular blog item — made my day!

  • Sara

    Um… I live in Durham County, NC.

  • Jess B.

    As a born and raised North Carolinian, I can only pray that this show isn’t set in NC. If I want to see someone from NC who’s actually funny, I’ll watch Jamie Pressly on My Name is Earl! Maybe playing a bitchy redneck isn’t the best way to portray our state, but I’ll be damned if she’s not hilarious in that role!

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