Breakup Vibes: America's political, celebrity marriage bases are shaken

95748__britney_lAmerica wants change. Sir Kev the Federlionhearted? Out. (Though I understand Britney, pictured, and FedEx will be popping out a few more last-minute babies "for the road.") Bobby Brown? Prerogative revoked. Ryan Phillippe? Deported to Iwo Jima. The Republican Party? Thumped.

It’s called "breakup vibes," a concept you’ll remember from freshman year of college. One couple on the hall splits, and pretty soon, everybody’s either single or realigned. Am I crediting Nick Lachey with the defeat of the Republican Party? Yes, I think I am.

addCredit(“Britney Spears: James Devaney/”)

Of course, public relationships are under special scrutiny and special pressure. Nick and Jessica, Whitney and Bobby, Britney and the Fed, David and Liza, Carmen and Dave, Travis and Shanna– all of these couples made the bold and selfless decision to whoretheir marriages for our amusement. And all of them paid the ultimateprice (different for each divorce lawyer, but, in every case, prettyultimate). Which is why it’s so important to congratulate theoriginals, Ozzy and Sharon,on 24 years of nuptial bliss (only three of them fully publicized).These two know how to make an on-camera marriage work — and how tomake it last after all that precious, life-giving attention has gonethe way of yesterday’s marmite.

Well done, kids. In the freshman dorm of popular culture, you’rethat sickeningly stable couple at the end of the hall. You’ve got yourown thing going on, and nobody knows exactly what that thing is, thoughsome of us can smell it wafting from under your door. You’re immune tochange. Hell, you’re probably still voting Whig. Stay strong.

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  • Ed

    Next on Britney’s agenda: either become “pin thin” or go the way of La Lohan and party till there’s no tomorrow.
    And for those who thought La Lohan was partying for fun think again. She’s getting raves for the new Bobby movie. Same will be said for her in Georgia Rule. She’s aiming for Otsker.

  • jen

    Britney, you’ve had two kids. Buy a bra…you need the support. Throw that silly thing you keep putting on your head back in the dumpster. I know you are getting a divorce, but you look like the life has been sucked right out of you. It only gets better from here.

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    I think that the exessive baby adoptions and the divorces are meerly coincidences. I must note that the three divorces were sort of expected, particulary Whit’s and Britt’s.
    Britt was K-Fed up with his wigga antics. Am I against white rappers? Nope. I liked Malcom MacLaren who produced the Sex Pistols, and The Beastie Boys. They released some great stuff. MacLaren’s “Buffalo Girls” was a Rap anthem back in the early eighties and was even verbally sampled by Eminem.
    What I am against is K-Fed boasting in one of his raps that he was a nobody from Fresno and now he is living it up as Britts husband. Ahem, in the real world a marriage is a two way street. Just because he married a woman who fake sang to stardom and made a lot of money doing that, does not mean that he has to sit on his Frito Lay a-s and not pay the bills.

  • aramis

    Funny how I was just commenting on this on my My Space blog just yesterday…
    Alas it’s true. I sense there are a few more divorces and/or separations just waiting to descend from the rafters (coughTOMKATcough).
    We shall see.

  • Ep Sato

    So Mr. Brown, the assumption is that Nancy Pelosi should have been talking about the election in terms of the national “break up culture” rather than the “culture of corruption”? I don’t know that she would have gotten so many votes that way, except maybe from Laguna Beach fans. And remember, young people as a demographic hardly bother to vote.
    I love that Buffalo Girls song by the way. Other good white rap songs include Rapture from Blondie (first mention of “Fab 5 freddie, who would later host MTV Raps), Jessie James’ first album (yes, the one with ‘shake it like a whitegirl’ is really good), “Peaches” by the Stranglers, the work done by “the Streets”, And the Tom Tom Club’s “Genius of love” which was sampled by Mariah Carey in her first career revival song “fantasy”. 3rd Bass had some style during their dat, and Becks “Odeley” is a fantastic album. There’s Paul Wall (with the diamonds in his teeth, I love that cheeseball), and the Dr. Dre produced Eminem.
    So I agree, there are decent white rappers, but Fedex was never on the calibur of any of them. Maybe he can start a super suck group with Vanilla Ice and Snow? Both them guys are pretty open about being potheads too.

  • aramis

    Ep –
    Ouch, man you really brought out the high-caliber swords on that one.
    Alas, what you said is true.
    Sad thing is…while I simply cannot stand the likes of FedEx…
    I would TOTALLY be down for a “supersuck” group with him the Ice Man, and Snow. Somehow I think it would just be guilt-pleasurely awesome!

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    Yeah absolutely the Stranglers, and I think that Carey has sampled Genius of Love too many times. In Fantasy she recites some of the lyrics. Fab Five Freddy is yet another person not nominated for TRRHF as well as Cool Herc. There was also Falco, but that was campy rap.

  • Elyse

    It’s about damn time she got rid of that loser.

  • brooklyn b

    Why do people still care!!! In the worst of day for KFed and Brit Brit they will still be better off financially than the most of us. And creatively I cannot state this any louder SHE CAN’T SING; NEVER COULD. People let this go… let her go!

  • Maria

    All I have to say is good for Britney for finally getting rid of that loser. I always thought she could better then him and hopefully she moves on to better things and finds herself a nice man

  • brooklyn b

    And by the way, how isn’t that much better of a person than he is… remember SHE persued and purposed!

  • bubbles

    “Sir Kev the Federlionhearted”? Crediting Nick Lachey with the defeat of the Republican Party? GENIUS.

  • mark in nyc

    I hope that FedEx hooks up with Paris Hilton now so we canread stories about them and then maybe…just maybe…in one clear moment…the world will wonder why we care and then forget about them forever.

  • MJ

    Nick and Jessica. Whitney and Bobby. Britney and the Fed. David and Liza. Carmen and Dave. Travis and Shanna.
    What do these (former) couples all have in common?
    REALITY SHOWS! If we would just stop watching them, no one would make them anymore and marriages would be saved.
    Think about it…for the children…

  • confidential

    You can take the Federline out of the Britney but you’ll NEVER get the trailer out her.

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