OMG so excited: Someone is finally going to explain to me how it is that Madonna can adopt an "orphan" that still has a dad! And the person who is going to explain that? Oprah! Also helping her explain? Madonna! This deserves a liveblog, so strap in, kiddies. It’s time for another episode of "When Celebrity Philanthropy Attacks!"
4:00 Thanks for the time and temperature, Commerce Bank!
4:00:16 Okay literally my first impression of this episode is, Is Oprah wearing pants? It’s kinda fuzzy on the screen and she’s got this bright red top and then… well, it looks like Oprah’s not wearing pants, ok?
4:00:27 "The Adoption Controversy. Madonna’s side of the story." Well, thank god someone is giving this poor woman a chance to finally, finally open up and speak her mind.
4:00:40 Wait. We’re getting Madonna and the Dixie Chicks today? Dear me! That is quite a lot of Women Conservatives Love To Hate for one tiny little hour of television!
4:01:19 Madonna is calling in via satellite?? Oh, now I see: The Dixie Chicks were supposed to have the whole hour, weren’t they?
4:01:23 Madonna’s answer to Oprah’s "how are you?" is, "Well, uh, um, Thank you for asking me to do the show."
4:01:31 Ooh, and it’s not getting any less awkward: "I wanted to be clear up front that — I’m very grateful for you — give me this chance to — uh — not defend…" etc. Oh, this is already the most fun I’ve had in days.
4:01:42 FYI: Today’s British Accent Alert level is orange.
4:01:59 What’s really surprised Madonna is how great her children are with young, possibly-illegally-adopted David. Because lemme tell ya, they treat the help like ass.
4:02:14 Picture of David being manhandled by Rocco gets obligatory "aw" from audience, who are still trying to assess if/when they’re getting free stuff today.
4:02:20 Picture of David being manhandled by Guy Richie, however, gets a laugh. Curious.
4:02: 34 "That’s the amazing thing about children," says Madonna. "They don’t ask questions." Unlike all those horrible people who are trying to figure out what, exactly, I told the illiterate African man before I took his baby away.
4:02:47 I’m bored, Madonna. Please yell or something.
4:03:09 Oprah wonders whether this baby thing merits being headline news with all the "atrocities" going on in the world. Well, you tell me, Ops: You’re the one who bumped the politically-active country music singers to make room for it.
4:03:32 Ways Madonna Is Like President Bush, Pt. 1: She doesn’t read newspapers or watch television.
4:03:58 Ways Madonna Is Like President Bush, Pt. 2: She understands that telling negative stories sells newspapers.
4:04:07 More than anything, though, Madge is just disappointed because this incident is going to discourage other people from doing the same thing (going to Africa and buying babies).
4:04:27 Yeah, she’s getting indignant now, which is good. For a second I thought she was gonna cry. Which would be a real waste of eyeliner, trust me.
4:04:34 Madonna actually thinks the media is doing a great disservice to ALL the African orphans, not just the Malawi orphans. Which is crazy, because I could have sworn they’ve had more TV time this week than they’ve seen since that "Do They Know It’s Christmas" song hit big.
4:04:38 And that gets applause. Still no free stuff for you, audience!
4:05:06 It is NOT TRUE that Brad and Angelina told Madonna to go to Africa, and in fact, Madonna’s never actually met Angelina Jolie. Dang. I liked that rumor.
4:05:49 Oh my God. This whole thing is Bob Geldof’s fault. I KNEW IT.
4:06:27 I’ll be honest: Oprah looks pained.
4:07 So, what we’re learning now is that Madonna just wanted to go to ANY ol’ third world country and snag herself a kid. Or, as she puts it, "give a life to a child that might not otherwise have one."
4:07:07 Audience applauds again, starts thinking about what’s for lunch.
4:08:28 Okay, the orphanage where she got David is run by a man named Geppetto? Is there a magical talking cricket there, too?
4:08:50 The best is when Madonna drops the indignant British thing and Detroit slips out: "So, David was at this orphanage. He was wonna the, um, younger babies there."
4:09:49 THE BABY HAS NO AIDS. DO NOT BE ALARMED.
4:10:49 Now I’m starting to feel bad for being mean about this. I mean, Madonna clearly knows what she’s talking about, she clearly likes kids, she’s clearly jumped on the celebrity Africa bandwagon, and she’s doing what she can to help. Fine.
4:11:08 I still think she stole that baby, though.
4:14:09 Here’s the big question: Did you get this baby because you’re famous, Madonna?
4:14:24 "Yes," says Madonna. "That’s exactly true." Just kidding. Actually, she sort of tut-tuts and then makes a joke about no matter who you are, "nothing goes fast in Africa."
4:14:25 Except the tigers. They go fast.
4:14:42 "There are no laws in Malawi," and so Madonna got to make some up? Are we SURE this is a real country?
4:15:29 I would just like to point out, completely straightforwardly, that from what I can tell, Madonna started her "Raising Malawi" foundation… without ever having been to Malawi.
4:15:49 She met David’s father in court. Court, in the possibly-imaginary country with no laws. I’m so confused.
4:17:07 There ya go: Madonna says David was dumped in the orphanage when he was 2 weeks old, and his extended family did not visit at any point. That seems pretty orphany, I gotta admit.
4:17:44 "Obviously, I don’t speak Chichewa," Madonna snips, when talking about needing an interpreter in court. Seems like a good time for that Berlitz course now, though, don’t it?
4:17:55 Can we stop calling adoption "giving a child a life"? Please?
4:18 So basically, Madonna’s saying that David’s dad looked into her eyes and said it was ok to take his kid, and that the media is terrorizing him now and putting words into his mouth. And now she’s going to make an analogy…
4:19:26 Longest analogy of all time, Madonna.
4:19:54 Okay, that’s not technically an analogy. That’s just recasting David’s dad as a woman who gives her baby up for adoption.
4:20:28 What’s really amazing to me is the way Madonna seems genuinely stunned that the media has any interest in this situation at all. (Insert rant on celebrities who want it both ways here.)
4:23:51 Heads up: Madonna plans to go to Malawi every year. Can’t wait.
4:24:35 Ah! I get it: She’s gonna give David an education and "a life" so he can go back and help the Malawians someday. That reminds me: Has anyone else seen the trailer for Pathfinder?
4:26:01 Madonna’s not sure she has anything to say to the people who accused her of doing this as a publicity stunt. For the record, I just kinda thought it was weird. I mean: Madonna’s a walking publicity stunt, right? Basically always has been?
4:26:33 You know, Madge, at least when Bono tells me depressing things about life in Africa, I usually get a song out of it.
4:27:04 Only truly awesome way for this episode to end? "YOU get an orphan! YOU get an orphan! YOU get an orphan! EV-ry BO-dy GETS an OR-phan!"
4:30 Okay, that’s it. Oprah’s on to the Dixie Chicks. Who, it should be said, have not yet taken the time to adopt any orphans. Because they hate America.
Comments (1-30) of 121
“4:01:42 FYI: Today’s British Accent Alert level is orange.”
WP – YOU ROCK MY FACE!
OMG, I laughed so hard, people here are giving me the same disapproving looks my father gives me everytime I tell him I want to be a hollywood writer.
I need to ruch home now so I can watch this. Thank god for time zones!
FYI: Today’s British Accent Alert level is orange.
Too funny!
I was really hoping Oprah would spend a full hour with the Chicks. Oh well.
Yeah, the whole “I don’t read newspapers or watch television” thing seems like something you maybe shouldn’t admit for fear of seeming like a self-absorbed, narcissistic dumbass who prefers to live in a bubble of sycophantic handlers paid to reassure you of your awesomeness. Ooooh! Way #3 that Madonna is like President Bush!!!
Is Madonna reading off a cue card? She keeps looking down alot? Like she has talking points to reference.
Nicole:
LMAO!
Agreed! You’re awesome (from a nonhandler, POV)!
Spending half an hour with the Dixie Chicks and a half with Madonna insures neither will sing.
Whitney,
Why don’t you just go work for FOX news or some other fully fledged right wing newspaper? After many reports, you continue to slam Madonna for adopting a baby whose father GAVE HIM AWAY.. in case your small, little pea sized brain can’t figure it out.. many orphans DO have parents, these parents don’t want them and that’s why they end up in orphan homes. Is that too difficult for you to understand? Second, is it because it’s Madonna?? I don’t remember you going on such a tirade when Angelina and Brad adopted a child nor have I ever heard you go on such a rant about anything as furiously as you’ve gone after Madonna.
Chris – do you understand the concept of irony? No, you do not.
wow whitney, that was almost cringeworthy.
thanks!
Madonna is reading a cue card and she needs to fire her make-up artist unless she wants to look like a blonde Morticia Addams even when it is not Halloween.
Oh, Whitney. I’m sure you’re a lovely person, but what have you done for the world today (aside from entertaining it, which I admit is a pretty honorable thing to do)?
Just let her will be!
http://moviemartin.blogspot.com.
Okay, this entry is FTW.
4:27:04 Only truly awesome way for this episode to end? “YOU get an orphan! YOU get an orphan! YOU get an orphan! EV-ry BO-dy GETS an OR-phan!”
Funniest thing ev-AR!
Last night, TIME.com ran a new quote given by the father reiterating that he is grateful to her for giving her son life and will not contest adoption. NO parent would let the media or a celebraty push them around when it comes to thier children (Call me naive!). That statement makes clear to me that this in the end is between the father and Madonna. Love her or hate her. A deal was made that I believe was made clear enough to both parties in THIS particular adoption case. However the ‘you get an orphan’ line was hysterical!
Dude,
Tigers are not native to Africa. Cheetahs, on the other hand, the fastest land animal, are.
I just wanna’ know when Madonna’s gonna’ let Guy Richie make another movie. I need more violent-yet-whacky British gangster hijinks.
And I would never, EVER admit to not reading newspapers or watching TV. Even if you’re saying that newspapers and TV are biased or not good or something… you need to get your news somehow.
What, no “Papa Don’t Preach” references?
“But I’ve made up my mind. I’m keeping my baby.”
WHITNEY PASTOREK you rule!!! This one should be in the popwatch hall of fame.
Also, to all the people who think she’s being “partisan,” why not get on Michael Slezak’s case about his bashing Rush Limbaugh’s response to Michael J. Fox?
Whitney, I gotta say it:
“Tigers? In Africa?”
Methinks someone needs a Monty Python refresher.
Nice job, Whitney. EWMVP.
My question: Is this Madonna baby thing the least interesting story of the year or is it the feud between the male actors on the girly ER?
I am from Metro Detroit and now live in Houston. I cannot contain my Michigan accent. It pops out when least expected. Even when I try to say ya’ll it comes out wierd, ya’ll. Her now British-like accent restraint is amazing!! Orange alert, hahahahaha.
Jaime,
SLezak slamming Limpballs for making fun of Michael J. Fox is NOT the same as Whitney whats-her-face slamming Madonna for adopting a baby.
First of all, Limpballs, who is a known DRUG ADDICT, has no business criticizing Fox who obviously has parkinson’s disease. Really, how low do you have to go in the republican party to shore up support? Making fun of those who have a chronic disease?? Oh, that’s right.. the morally superior are anything but moral.
Whitney slamming Madonna for doing something humanitarian is basically the same thing Limpballs was doing, slamming someone for speaking or acting on a good cause. So what if Madonna was able to fast-track her adoption process? EVERY SINGLE PERSON I know that has adopted or is looking to adopt have said that if they had the money, they too would have sped up or would speed up the process.
In fact, that should be the issue.. the fact that the system is broken and favors those with money, and not one woman doing some good in the world. How many children do you think Whitney has adopted? I bet zero is the correct answer.. how many times does she think about orphan children around the world before she goes to bed each night? the answer I bet is again, zero.
Madonna, for all her flaws and constant button pushing, etc.. has always been a charitable woman and has helped many, not just orphans, during her career span. She may not boast about it but has given millions upon millions since 1986 to help those with AIDS, cancer and other causes as well. This is no secret to those of us who have spent our lives working to help others, something I am sure Whitney knows nothing about.
The fact remains that people will slam Madonna no matter what, regardless of what she does, she will never be good enough for those in the US because she makes people face their hypocricy and short-commings by simply being herself, and I don’t even like the woman or her music!
This is just pathetic, I can’t believe we have ignorant people calling themselves Americans, it’s no wonder we have such a bad reputation around the world.
As an African, I detest the notion that our countries don’t have laws. How then do we have judges, presidents, police men, lawyers etc. What do they do? I’m also beginning to worry that this “let’s adopt an african baby” is becoming a trend. All I can hope for is that Madonna takes care of that child like her own and not leave him to nannies etc. It’s good to be provided for financially, but emotional well being is key if not more important.
Jenny — for the “Papa Don’t Preach” references, check out today’s entry on pinkisthenewblog.com!
oh my god what is wrong with her face? is she slamming botox by the quart? so much skin has been removed from around her eyes they are only half there now…fortunately she never spends any time with her kids so they won’t be too traumatized because can you imagine the therapy poor little david is going to need afer that face pops through the door croaking “mummy’s home.”
so the new hollywood accessory is adopted waifs? have little dogs been completely replaced? how about thebejeweled cell phone? totally out?
madonna makes me sick as does every celebrity else out there getting on this train for PR reasons instead of pure altruism.
and yes, this kid has a dad, couldn’t she find an ACTUAL orphan to adopt? or did he best match the wallpaper in the nursery?
I tried and tried to enjoy this “blog” by Whitney. It is just plain boring and so not funny. You have NO idea what you’re talking about, and are just poking fun at someone who has done a great deed. it is no ones business but her and her family’s-you should not judge it or ridicule it.
Madonna bashing is so 1990’s, move on, get over your jealousy and enjoy your life. This is the second blog about Madonna in a week, Whitney. Do you have anything else to say about any other celebrity? or are you infatuated with La Madonna? I think the latter.
Oh and BTW I live in London and she does NOT have a British accent…I do. It’s a s american as they come.
Chris,
puhleeze…what is amazing is the ignorance of Americans in believing: 1) Malawi has no laws; 2)informed consent to adoption can be obtained by looking in someone’s eyes.
I’m certain Madonna has good intentions but that does not mean that someone should do whatever they like. Madonna does give a lot of money to charity. In fact, a lot of celebrities do and I think that is laudable. However, when give money to charity, I personally feel that it is important to be discerning as to where the money is going. Is it going to overhead? Reputable charities, non-profits and foundations post financial and annual reports on their websites for transparency.
Raising Malawi is relatively new. And it is not founded by Madonna. She is listed as a supporter on their website. And one of the things that is being done with donations is to create curriculum in keeping with Kabbalah tenets. So, its charity with conditions. In America, is assistance tied to taking courses in a specified religion?
The most dangerous thing about Madonna’s adoption is the legal precedent it may set that can be exploited in the future by others who may not have good intentions towards children.
I don’t know why you felt the need to personally attack Whitney as though that would make your comments more persuasive. I suppose that is the intelligent way to discuss an issue in America is it?
Not everyone feels that adopting all of the orphans in Africa is a solution to the problems on that continent. I prefer to donate towards medications and medical care and access to potable water because this would help extend peoples’ lives and reduce the number of children who are orphaned by disease.
Sixen: You are just such a perfect individual aren’t you? Lol. Pat yourself on the back. Madonna has done an amazing thing, and people saying that she did it for publicity or ANy other non genuine reason is totally mad. This issue has become a good excuse for people who dislike Madonna to criticize her and spill their venom.
She has done everything legally, as is possible in Malawi, because there are no strict rules or guidelines on adoption there. Raising Malawi is supported by the Spirituality for Kids, that teaches kids about various things necessary for them to learn in life. It is not anything to do with Kabbala, because Kabbala is not a religion in the first place.
I’m sure Madonna knows what she is doing and will have 3 great kids to enjoy forever, so she does not need you or anyone else’s input.
Anne,
Check your facts. Spirituality for Kids is the Kabbalah Centre’s program for children.
And well, good for you for supporting legal precedents that open loopholes to human trafficking. Which I’m certain is not Madonna’s intent but well, she only became aware of issues in Africa with Live 8.
And if it makes you sick to see anyone criticize a celebrity’s supposed act of charity, its ironic that you sarcastically comment on my philosophy on charity. I suppose if I was a celebrity, you would be able to discuss it rationally. lol.
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