'The Bachelor: Rome': Team Italy scores again!

142542__agnes_lLet me preface this blog item by saying I try not to throw around the word "love" when it comes the participants of The Bachelor franchise. Yet even though I most definitely do not love bland-but-horny "Prince" Lorenzo Borghese, I do adore the fact that, week after week, he chooses Rome’s own Agnese (pictured) — a woman who’s mastered English about as well as Paris Hilton has mastered singing — at the expense of the American fameosexuals trying to live out their unevolved Cinderella fantasies on national television. Clearly, Lorenzo’s decision is not about the conversation, and I don’t think it’s about physical attraction either, seeing the way Agnese’s tresses are quickly devolving into something that resembles the caterpillar nests one often sees in diseased trees. Could it be Lorenzo was simply so bored with vacant, wonky-eyed Jeanette and desperate, boozy Desiree ("I’m a sexy Roman princess, baby!") that a return trip across the pond for a hometown date with Agnese proved irresistible? I mean, at least Lorenzo can be pretty certain the food will be fantastic.

That said, Agnese’s Roman numeral has got to be up next week, right? Not so fast, Bachelor-philes. Did you see that preview with Lisa modeling a wedding dress for Lorenzo? Isn’t that just their second one-on-one date? And how about Lisa’s sister spilling the beans about the pop-eyed she-beast’s five-year plan to nab a spouse and some babies? For a woman who declared she knew nothing about Roman history, but everything about Bachelor history, Lisa seems oddly unaware that she’s about a boiled bunny away from coming off like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

Which leaves virginal Sadie (who, with that black fur shrug and severe ‘do,sort of resembled another Close character, Cruella De Vil, during therose ceremony) and master’s student (!) Jen as the likeliestrecipient’s of Lorenzo’s final rose. (No, that’s not a euphemism!Sadie’s a virgin, people!) If I’m being forced to choose sides, I guessI’ll root for Jen, who at the very least looked a little skittish whenLorenzo slipped her the tongue in front of hundreds of strangers at theTrevi Fountain. She may not be, as Lisa contends, "all that prettywithout makeup," but at least I can’t picture her cutting her own thighin a steamed-up bathroom with Anne Archer. And on The Bachelor: Rome,that’s about as close to a fairytale ending as we’re gonna get. Howabout you, PopWatchers? Who (if anyone) are you cheering for?

Comments (35 total) Add your comment
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  • Julie

    I’m rooting for Sadie. It’ll probably be Jen and Sadie in the final 2, but did you catch the preview of Jen’s football coach Dad and the hunting rifle?! Talk about uncomfortable. I’m guessing that’s not exactly the Borghese family’s style.

  • Tisa

    I think Agnese will go further than Lisa too. Especially once Lorenzo sees/hears about her “plan”. I like Agnese, but I agree, what’s up with the hair?!?! Does Prince Lorenzo know how ignorant he looks each time he spouts off about there being a language barrier? He is an Italian prince. He should have at least learned Italian, even if his first language is English!! He should take the intiative while on the show to learn Italian. I am sure he has the resources available. On the flip side, the show should have a translator/tutor on hand to help Agense and her family with English. Otherwise, they are just setting her up to fail. I am actually rooting for Agnese!!

  • Ally

    Hilarious review Slezak, thanks! Go Sadie – he is tickled with her,of course it is her. Plus she resembles Grace Kelly on purpose (for the Prince marrying an American girl theme)

  • Ms Daisy

    I like Sadie the best of all the girls, so I hope she escapes the “final rose”. She seems too nice to be on this show with all the girls who are just trying to get their 15 minutes of fame.

  • mg

    Why has no one mentioned the most important thing of all? If he marries the Italian girl, she would become Princess Agnese Borghese!

  • Tisa

    At least their names ryhmn. So does anyone else think it is weird that the Prince knows no Italian?!?!?!

  • Denise

    Does anyone know where I can find a lovely bathmat like the one Erica was sporting with her tiara?

  • Friday

    I was thinking Sadie was so cute until the end when she was dressed like Evita or Princess Grace or something. She looked ridiculous and like she was already trying to dress the “princess” part. turned me off. Saw Lorenzo on Kimmel this week I think and he seemed pretty cool and normal…can’t believe I am still watching this show!

  • Carrie

    What a storefest! Sadie is a poor man’s version of Reese Witherspoon. Jen is so dull, I can’t even compare her to anyone. Lunatic Lisa is really desperate, uptight, and her personality is ugly. I’m kinda rooting for Agnese, she’s the least offensive of the group.

  • Kathleen

    I hope Sadie loses in the final two… just so she can be the next Bachlorette. She deserves someone much more intresting (and hotter) than dull and kinda-attractive-if-you-squint-your-eyes Lorenzo. It would be really intresting TV and you know that whomever she picks, he’s probably gonna have to marry the girl before they “go all the way.” I’m sure that if Sadie was the Bachelorette, she would pick a real quality guy and Lorenzo could ride off into the Sunset with whichever lame girl he chooses for a maximum of 2 months before they break up!

  • Aneya

    Umm….ya, my friends and i literally shrieked when he picked Agnese, what the hell?! i thought for sure he’d pick crazy, horny Desiree, she’s all over him, but i guess she was just too much to handle! I’m rooting for Sadie too, although i wish she’d grow her eyebrows a bit more, they’re so…severe! Ha, Michael, you’re right, she did look like Cruella at the end, i wonder who’s responsible for those outfits…..

  • brandonk

    People still watch this…show?

  • yawn

    C’mon, people……….which of their names goes better with “Princess”? Gotta be Sadie the Lady!

  • Ricardo

    Slezak, I dont’ watch this show. But your snarky and fun Popwatches are probably much better than the show itself.
    Thanks for the insights, Michael.

  • Jill

    Ok, Slezak, I totally hated your one-sided blog about TR Knight but the above about The Bachelor was totally hilarious… Slezak in top form!

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