Cloprah '08!

155340__oprahgeorge_lCloonfry? Oprorge? Cloprah? They don’t elide nicely. They’re not an intuitive couple. But George Clooney and Oprah Winfrey have something in common: They’re candidacy deniers. Both have been tagged with having political, even presidential ambitions. Both have issued cordial demurrals, though Oprah’s lawyers also issued a cease-and-desist to the creator of www.oprah08.net, an increasingly popular Oprah for President site, before the Queen herself retracted it — just to be nice, mind you, not because she’s actually running. (She’s got too much on her plate as it is, annexing outer space.)

Well, get to drafting my cease-and-desist letter, Harpo lawyerbeasts, because from this moment on, I’m pushing the Cloprah ticket: Oprah for president, Clooney as (heh, heh) vice, baby. I make my endorsement apolitically, strictly as an entertainment journalist. When entertainers are elected to high office, I become, by association, more relevant, and perhaps better-paid. (It’s true: When Schwarzenegger won the recall, each EW staff member received a large vegan ham.)

What would Cloprah do for America? Well, adult males would only be allowed to vote if already subscribed to GQ or equivalent, and would be required to demonstrate ”smolder” at their polling place. Applicants to civil service positions would be required to diagram and explain the plot of Syriana. The words ”Batman,” ”and,” and ”Robin” would be banned from the English language, as would all references to ”nipple suits.”

addCredit(“Oprah Winfrey: John B. Zissel/IPOL/Globe Photos; George Clooney: Graham Whitby Boot/Allstar/Globe Photos”)

Women, when rising from any sitting position, anywhere in thenation, could expect to find something nice — a tax rebate, a littleextra health-care — under their seats. This seems expensive, but not whenyou consider Oprah’s plan to increase the country’s GNP with pureenthusiasm, roof-raising gestures, and exhortations of ”you go, GNP!”And if that doesn’t work, she will open her Golden Silos and allow thepopulace to backstroke, like Scrooge McDuck, in her wealth.

And the Cabinet! I think Steadman, all acrimony aside, would make anexcellent Secretary of Discretion. Brad Pitt is a lock for NationalGrooming Advisor.

Cloprah in ’08: You can’t deny it.


Comments (17 total) Add your comment
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  • Tommy G

    Heck yeah I’d vote for this ticket! They couldn’t be any worse than what we have now, and odds are they’d be *intentionally* funny.

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    While I think that Oprah is amazing, she is too soft. Then again too soft versus too stupid, too soft is the lesser of the two evils. Then again, we saw what happened with the Jimmy Carter adminstration. This is a tough call.

  • nathan

    All I can say is the United States would be a much cooler place with George Clooney in charge. The man has an Oscar for acting and a nomination for directing, Bush can barely read.

  • Lora

    I think Clooney should run for Prez. This country always does better with someone foxy in office (kennedy, clinton, etc.)

  • Marnie

    Count me in! Oh, wait. I live in “the FL”. So, I guess, bring “One man, One Vote” and THEN count me in!

  • T.L.

    God no.

  • brandonk

    I would totally vote for them. Oprah for President! May she rule forever.

  • Miles

    Count ME IN. Oprah would not only be the best President the United States ever had, but she would for a shining eight years, lead us to world peace. I know I would feel much better going to bed at night, provided under the “well read” blanket of protection she would provide.

  • Denise

    Clooney for Prez— I wanna be an intern!

  • jon

    I think I had Cloprah once. You just have to do a course of antibiotics and it goes away.

  • aung kyaw

    I want to more about ew.com and more about your’s entertainment and I want to free listing.
    Thank You
    Aung Kyaw
    28.9.06

  • Fatima

    Clooney is probably capable.
    Oprah might not be able to, but she would get cracking on Africa issues.
    I say switch the bill around and I’d vote for it. I’d do it the other way too, who am I kidding.

  • no no no

    I think society gives celebrities enough power as it is. Oprah’s earned her money and done a lot of good with her celebrity but I’m not sure running the country is the same as running a talk show or book list.

  • Nancy Walker

    I can just see Oprah giving tips to women on the best hair weaves and number one makeup artists. She is just a television personality. Granted, she is quite generous, but president? I don’t think so.

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    Exactly, switch the bill around or better yet Clooney and his cousin Miguel Ferrer for ’08. We need a** kicking and stability. Not a damn witch hunt, which this “war on terror” has become.

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