Some ideas are so bad, they’re good, while others are so bad, they’re just bad. How does one separate a bad-good idea from a bad-bad idea? One asks you, gentle reader. Take the three examples below:
1. It’s rumored that Stallone will take over the Predator franchise. ”What Predator franchise?” you ask. ”You mean the Alien vs. Predator franchise?” Nope. This would be made AFTER the totally unanticipated AVP2. Meaning it would be super unanticipated — and a complete surprise! But what kind of surprise? The ”oh-look-a-20-in-my-winter-jacket” kind of surprise? Or the ”oh-look-a-rubbery monster-from-the-‘80s-fighting-the-Predator” kind of surprise? BAD-GOOD? BAD-BAD? OR BATTLEFIELD EARTH?
2. Nip/Tuck creator Ryan Murphy, who officially passed the Postmaster General last week in Total Number of Envelopes Pushed, is busy scripting a new FX series about a married, transsexual sportswriter. It is, I am almost 100 percent certain, not based on the life and career of Tony Kornheiser, and will probably not star Jason Alexander. BAD-GOOD? BAD-BAD? OR FRANK-N-FURTER GOOD? (I say Frank-N-Furter good, if it’s a sensitive commitment to a fascinating character; bad, if it’s a Carver-ish shockshow hackjob. And yes, you may ”Duh!” me.)
3. Dustin ”Screech” Diamond, not content to offer mere advice on the carnal arts, is supposedly shopping a kinky, possibly scatalogical sex tape. BAD-BAD-BAD. Three bads. Bad Screech: No house for you. Bad America: If we’ve worked our way this far down the celebrity porno food chain, we should just make our own sex tapes. Lastly, Bad Porn Industry: Come, come, smut merchants — Screech? Is there really a market there? And, if so, should we encourage it? I don’t want to wake up in a world where Urkel and Alf are pretzeled together, egged on by a wild-eyed Mr. Belding. I just don’t.