New ways for Jessica's dad to sell breasts

12559__dukes_l_1Can he get a yeehaw? As if controlling their money, careers, and nasal structures wasn’t enough, Jess and Ash’s (or should it be Sicca and Shlee’s?) dad has come up with two new ways to capitalize on having hot daughters. Life & Style reports that Joe Simpson plans to open a chain of barbecue restaurants called Daisy Duke’s, starting with one in Las Vegas. (Just the place to cater your next ”public affair”!) Isn’t that adorable? He hopes Jess (pictured) can find the time to make promotional appearances. No word yet on if he’ll make her bus tables, or if she’ll punch out random customers for staring at her ”double-D initials.”

I don’t even want to think about the menu at this place. I wonder if it’ll all be Jessica-themed? They could have barbecued chicken of the sea (touted on the menu as ”Actually chicken!”)… some sort of cheesy bites (”They’re gonna pop right into you!”)… maybe a bloomin’ onion (”The exact shade of orange as the real-life Daisy Duke, post-spray tan!”) OK, I guess I did want to think about it.

For extra creep factor: Joe’s been selling paparazzi shotshe takes of his own daughters through an exclusive deal with WireImage.What?! Don’t they pay him enough? I can just picture him on the redcarpet or a sidewalk in one of his crisp button-downs, elbowing aside the less worthy photogs, like he’s about to grab a crucial rebound. This guy needs a new hobby. Any ideas?

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  • Maggie

    Maybe if he adopted Hilary Duff her songs wouldn’t make the ears bleed of people over the age of 12.

  • Chuck_A

    I hear Hef’s looking for a new photographer.

  • Nancy Walker

    It is shameless that a father would use his children this way, but he is not the first to do it. Brooke Shields mom let her take off her top at the age of twelve, and Shirley Temple’s mom let her star in a baby burlesque film which looked like soft-kiddie porn.

  • SLAMCUT

    What happens at Daisy Duke’s when you order milk?

  • Ep Sato

    joe should dump his daughters and take cheesecake shots of Linday Lohan, then Dump her for Paris Hilton. Oh wait, Wilmer Valdeerama already did that. Or was the order the other way around?

  • Ron Mwangaguhunga

    And let’s not forget that Brooke Shields has been “doing a Shields” with photos of her and her baby.

  • Miles

    Joe Simpson has got to be the creepiest snarkiest ex-minister I have ever laid my eyes on. Im sure he thanks god every time his daughters breast bring in some more money. Sorta makes you wanna side with Satan on this one.

  • newbie

    I think he should leave his wife for a scandalous affair with Dina Lohan. Then they can coproduce spawn that they’ll be able to exploit right from conception.
    Seriously, though, just when you think this guy bottoms out on sleaze he does something even worse. Somebody stop him!

  • dma69

    For the love of humanity, can we please put a hit on Joe Simpson? This man is an embarassment to dads and ex-ministers everywhere. He even makes Teri Shields look normal by comparison. Please. Stop. This. Man.

  • Talking Moviezzz

    The most interesting part of the story, from what I heard, Joe Simpson doesn’t even have the rights to use the name “Daisy Dukes”. And, he didn’t even tell his daughter about it, he did it without her approval.

  • Will Holston

    Would someone please give him and Lindsay Lohan’s dad a reality show please? It can be right after Flavor of Love or something for the “Train Wreck” programming block.

  • Karla

    You know, when the faux-but-we-didn’t-yet-know story about John Mayer got plastered all over the joint, I thought it might have been an escape for her. Like leaving a cult and getting deprogrammed. I mean, here’s a guy who wrote a song to fathers who damage their daughters’ ability to relate as adults. And here’s the freaking poster child for the song.
    But alas, it was not to be. The lives of these girls, oy.

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    Joe Simpson is a rednecked a-hole. You can’t “Hugh Heffener” your own kid. That is just gross!

  • Dawn

    Another Pappa Joe. Beware of dad/managers named Joe. We have Joe Jackson (Jackson Five), Joe Wilson ( Beach Boys) and now Joe Simpson ( Simpson ditzes). All them are scheming, oppurtunistic, living off the kid talent hacks.

  • Chuck_A

    To answer SLAMCUT’s question:
    They ask if you’d like it bottled or draft.

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