'World's Worst Director' Fights Back...

…in dumbest way imaginable.

Uwe Boll, ”director” of House of the Dead and Bloodrayne, has never been celebrated for his subtlety. He’s never been celebrated at all, in fact; and that’s why he decided to fight back — with a ferocious literalism. On Saturday, Boll made good on his challenge to critics: The so-called ”worst director in the world” invited his male detractors in the media to go three rounds with him in a Vancouver boxing ring. (They have boxing rings in gentle Vancouver?)

With Roger ”The Real Deal” Ebert still not back up to fighting weight, Boll settled for a meat parade of lesser knowns: ”webmasters Richard ‘Lowtax’ Kyanka of Something Awful, Jeff Sneider of Ain’t It Cool News, Chris Alexander of Rue Morgue Magazine, and Nelson Chance Minter, a teenage webhead and amateur boxer.” Boll, a former boxer who trained four months for this glorious moment, handily pulped them all, but not before making a solemn statement about the plague of youth violence and the recent shooting in Montreal. Guy’s a class act.

Having written two pans of Boll’s work, I was technically qualifiedto participate in this event. But I am a featherweight, untrained inthe sweet science, and if I must be beaten to death by a film director,I’d rather it be one who understands the rudiments of storytelling. Iwant my cranial contusions to have a coherent narrative, dagnabbit.

It’s traditional to end a blog entry with a question, but this one’sstumping me. Um… which bizarre middle-European director would you liketo get beaten up by? I already sort of feel a little abused by PaulVerhoeven, but, y’know, in a good way. (Don’t judge me!)


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Comments (13 total) Add your comment
  • john

    hahahaha. uwe boll’s an idiot.

  • Auriana

    So sad that Lowtax lost.

  • mike

    Here’s a way to get back at everyone, make a good film. That’ll show ‘em.

  • Miles

    Well, he showed them he can box, and beat the crap out of people. Now when is going to show us he can direct a movie.

  • Ep Sato

    Uwe Boll is not only an awful director, but he’s a coward and a total Pu$$y. I’ve been panning his work for years, hating on him both here and on an old review blog I used to write.
    Though relatively anonymous, I figured my searing words of pure hating would get the man riled up enough to want to fight me. I sent him the requisite picture, bio and reasons why he’d want to fight me. Then i started training and sending the man emails to the extent of “you think you can fight? Fight me”. I even offered to pay for my own ticket up to Vancouver.
    Uwe, why you ducking me man? Is it because you are afraid of watching your German heiny get spanked by a Puerto Rican? Or is it you only wanted to fight against folks who wouldn’t win? Either way, you all can add this to my list of Uwe Boll disapointments.
    What a wuss Uwe is.

  • ryan

    I’m just waiting for Uwe to get around to making the film version of “Frogger”. Or “Marble Madness”. Or heck, “Pong”. Can’t be any worse than what he’s already done.

  • dma69

    Uwe Boll wants to fight in the ring? Have I got a battle for him:
    Ladies and gentlemen.
    In this corner, the man responsible for HOUSE OF THE DEAD, ALONE IN THE DARK, and BLOODRAYNE: Uwe “World’s Worst Director” Boll.
    And in this corner, the man who hasn’t made a good film since SCARFACE, say hello to our little friend: Brian “Hitchcock hack” DePalma.
    Ladies and gentlemen. Let’s get ready to rumbbbbbbbbbbbbllllllleeeee!!!!!!

  • Lorenzo

    There was an “Alone in the Dark” and a “House of the Dead” movie? When was this? How bad was the movies? why is this guy still directing if they sucked? And which actors had no self-respect to be in them?

  • Ceballos

    I think i read somewhere that he mostly finances his own cheap (and cheap-looking) disasters…i mean movies. So even if it makes $5 million in the U.S. during its run, it still makes some cash overseas, and he’s able to just keep adapting videogames.
    The real mystery is how he gets people like Ben Kingsley and Ray Liotta (Michael Madsen and Kristanna Loken, I can kinda see) to appear in his craptacular crapfests.
    He is truly the worst director working today.
    Oh and if i had to fight a bizarre European director, I figured i’d go a few rounds with Lars Von tier. I liked “Dancer in the dark”, but the dude seems WAY too pretentious…let’s have him strap on some gloves and do some work in the ring.

  • cabri

    Is EW in a time warp this week? I heard about this MONTHS ago, like June-ish. Where you all been? Between this and the “Lost” thing, I’m losing faith…

  • cabri

    Never mind.
    (I really should finish reading the blog before I comment! ;D )

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