Reviewing the Reviews: 'Paris' isn't exactly burning

104846__paris_lAny critic can tell you, middling reviews are the hardest to write — especially if what’s being reviewed had the potential to be either incredibly great or howlingly bad. The eagerly dreaded Paris, for most people, falls into the latter category, and reviewing it should’ve been a stand-up act. But it seems the heiress/icon/thing-object’s prefab dance album is, maddeningly, just good enough to deserve a modicum of consideration. Witness the generally negative, yet oddly hedge-prone contortions below.

Stephen Thomas Erlewine in Allmusic.com:
"Make no mistake, Paris is a very good pop album, at times deliberately reminiscent of Blondie, Madonna, and Gwen Stefani, yet having its own distinct character — namely, Paris’ persona, which is shamelessly shallow… Where that might be irritating within a movie or within pop culture at large, when placed in a shiny, hooky dance-pop album it works splendidly, particularly because the songs are strong and Storch and company know how to keep things light.”

Sam Chennault of Rhapsody: “[A] well-tested formula for dance floor euphoria, even if the heiress’ vocals are a little limp.”

Tim Lee of musicOMH.com:
“…maybe it’s what she was trying to achieve all along: Some kind of comment on the society in which we live, the disposable transient despicable plastic inane world, where to be totally devoid of purpose is, in fact, to achieve some kind of higher state. A Zen like calmness stemming from the ability to mean absolutely nothing at all. Nah.”

Rob Tannenbaum of Blender:
“Producer Scott Storch and for-hire songwriter Kara DioGuardi earn their points with effectively spare club beats,” yet Hilton’s repetitive, prosaic “self-adoration,” rendered in her “soft, flat, uninteresting voice,” “makes celebrity sound boring.”

But Paris, like many of the rich and useless, is a populist by nature. She draws her power from the enduring curiosity of the Great Unwashed. (Not to mention media parasites like myself; as Socrates said shortly before logging onto hemlock.com, the unblogged life is not worth living.) Thus, for our final judgment, we go to her album’s Amazon page. The people have spoken:

Customers tagged this product with
First tag: hawt
Last tag: crap

See most popular tags
crap (2), disgusting (1), fake (1), hawt (1), hot (1), mediocre (1), stupid (1)

Comments (29 total) Add your comment
Page: 1 2
  • Paul U.

    It’s really funny, actually. I started laughing from the minute it started up with her cooing “that’s hot” and “Scott Storch”…I mean, it’s meant to change the face of music or anything. It is really not too bad, as far as camp goes. If you appreciate say “Showgirls” or “Valley of the Dolls”, you might like this album.

  • Paul U.

    whoops…what I meant to say is that it is NOT meant to change the face of music…Whew!

  • mark

    Being a Paris Hilton non-fan, of course some of the tracks should come close to alright. she spent enough money on talent and synthing her voice to make William Hung sound great.
    If you don’t like her check out my song Everythng that is wrong with America today (AKA the PAris Hilton Song) at http://www.markmanne.com

  • Jasmine

    God help us!!! As a nation we need to come together and take astand against Paris and everything she stands for. If Paris’a album is #1, the terrorists have won.

  • pitchmeister

    My favorite quote about this yesterday (or the day before) was that she “cries everytime she hears her CD.” Of course you do, your ears hurt soooooooo much from listening to it that your in too much pain and have to stop when the blood starts pouring out. Stop listening to your CD so you can cry next week when the CD bombs.

  • EP Sato

    I’d guess a lot of the comments on Amazon were from folks who never listened to the album. So often on that site it is clear that the “reviewer” has not read the book, seen the movie or heard the album they are trashing. Instead, it’s some fool who just dislikes the artist and makes a personal point. I got no love for Paris and probably won’t listen to her album. But I’m not going to call it trash until I’ve heard at least one song…

  • jon

    Paris will be president one day because she’s smarter than all of us (ok, maybe not book-smarter but she’s got lots of savvy and great PR peeps).
    She knows how people feel about her. She also knows she likes attention and the money it can possibly bring. So instead of doing another sex tape (which is SO last minute), she hires Scott Storch and a host of songwriters who do (basically) good (passable) work.
    The result, a society shaking up their Haterade bottles in anticipation but who, when all is said and done, cannot deny that “Stars Are Blind” is a good song and that her breathy vocals in the beginning of “Turn It Up” (new fav) are HILARIOUS! And the song is good too, in a 1997 kind of way. Plus, there have been worse “recording artists” out there (I want to say Ashlee but she’s savvy too, d@mn these girls!)
    Go on, say you hate her, because each time you do, someone trying to defend her will buy a song and the vicious cycle continues (not me tho, I d-loaded a few songs off that amazing invention called the internet)…

  • Laurie

    Hawt? Definition someone please. Do you perhaps mean haute, or as I approach 30 has my vocabulary suffered? Well however you spell it she still sux.

  • Ceballos

    I’m pretty sure “hawt” is just a funky way of writing “hot” (from the creators of “kewl/cool”)

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    Jon, she has a great public relations person working for her, but that does not make Hilton smart.
    And E.P. is right. We should not judge a singer by it’s CD unless we listen to it first. Personally I don’t think that she has any acting talent( Hello,”House of Wax” anyone?) and she probably does not have any singing talent either. However, if this is what today’s teen wants to buy then it’s their choice.

  • t3hdow

    If Paris’s CD reflects on the quality of her “Stars Are Blind” single, then I’d say it’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but it’s still nothing I’d want to purchase. Hate the woman herself, but the song isn’t too shabby compared to other awful pop songs (“My Humps” comes to mind), even if her voice is obviously fabricated.
    If it does hit #1 though, I will lose all hope in the world…

  • Laurie

    THANKS CEBALLOS!!!

  • Lizzie

    I don’t like the girl. But I gotta give credit where credit is due. Most of us would have crawled under a rock if a home made sex video was out there for everyone to see. She kept her head up and smiled for the paparazzi.

  • Lizzie

    I don’t like the girl. But I gotta give credit where credit is due. Most of us would have crawled under a rock if a home made sex video was out there for everyone to see. She kept her head up and smiled for the paparazzi.

  • Scott

    I think this album shows there are some very talented song writer/producers who are more than capable of creating some halfway decent pop songs in spite of someone so vocally innocuous. It is just as shame their talents are being wasted on Paris when there are plenty of struggling artists who can actually sing (such as Christina Milian or Stacie Oricco) that are in desperate need of a batch of good songs.

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