Any critic can tell you, middling reviews are the hardest to write — especially if what’s being reviewed had the potential to be either incredibly great or howlingly bad. The eagerly dreaded Paris, for most people, falls into the latter category, and reviewing it should’ve been a stand-up act. But it seems the heiress/icon/thing-object’s prefab dance album is, maddeningly, just good enough to deserve a modicum of consideration. Witness the generally negative, yet oddly hedge-prone contortions below.
Stephen Thomas Erlewine in Allmusic.com:
"Make no mistake, Paris is a very good pop album, at times deliberately reminiscent of Blondie, Madonna, and Gwen Stefani, yet having its own distinct character — namely, Paris’ persona, which is shamelessly shallow… Where that might be irritating within a movie or within pop culture at large, when placed in a shiny, hooky dance-pop album it works splendidly, particularly because the songs are strong and Storch and company know how to keep things light.”
Sam Chennault of Rhapsody: “[A] well-tested formula for dance floor euphoria, even if the heiress’ vocals are a little limp.”
Tim Lee of musicOMH.com:
“…maybe it’s what she was trying to achieve all along: Some kind of comment on the society in which we live, the disposable transient despicable plastic inane world, where to be totally devoid of purpose is, in fact, to achieve some kind of higher state. A Zen like calmness stemming from the ability to mean absolutely nothing at all. Nah.”
Rob Tannenbaum of Blender:
“Producer Scott Storch and for-hire songwriter Kara DioGuardi earn their points with effectively spare club beats,” yet Hilton’s repetitive, prosaic “self-adoration,” rendered in her “soft, flat, uninteresting voice,” “makes celebrity sound boring.”
But Paris, like many of the rich and useless, is a populist by nature. She draws her power from the enduring curiosity of the Great Unwashed. (Not to mention media parasites like myself; as Socrates said shortly before logging onto hemlock.com, the unblogged life is not worth living.) Thus, for our final judgment, we go to her album’s Amazon page. The people have spoken:
Customers tagged this product with
First tag: hawt
Last tag: crap
See most popular tags
crap (2), disgusting (1), fake (1), hawt (1), hot (1), mediocre (1), stupid (1)
Comments (1-29) of 29 Add your comment
It’s really funny, actually. I started laughing from the minute it started up with her cooing “that’s hot” and “Scott Storch”…I mean, it’s meant to change the face of music or anything. It is really not too bad, as far as camp goes. If you appreciate say “Showgirls” or “Valley of the Dolls”, you might like this album.
whoops…what I meant to say is that it is NOT meant to change the face of music…Whew!
Being a Paris Hilton non-fan, of course some of the tracks should come close to alright. she spent enough money on talent and synthing her voice to make William Hung sound great.
If you don’t like her check out my song Everythng that is wrong with America today (AKA the PAris Hilton Song) at http://www.markmanne.com
God help us!!! As a nation we need to come together and take astand against Paris and everything she stands for. If Paris’a album is #1, the terrorists have won.
My favorite quote about this yesterday (or the day before) was that she “cries everytime she hears her CD.” Of course you do, your ears hurt soooooooo much from listening to it that your in too much pain and have to stop when the blood starts pouring out. Stop listening to your CD so you can cry next week when the CD bombs.
I’d guess a lot of the comments on Amazon were from folks who never listened to the album. So often on that site it is clear that the “reviewer” has not read the book, seen the movie or heard the album they are trashing. Instead, it’s some fool who just dislikes the artist and makes a personal point. I got no love for Paris and probably won’t listen to her album. But I’m not going to call it trash until I’ve heard at least one song…
Paris will be president one day because she’s smarter than all of us (ok, maybe not book-smarter but she’s got lots of savvy and great PR peeps).
She knows how people feel about her. She also knows she likes attention and the money it can possibly bring. So instead of doing another sex tape (which is SO last minute), she hires Scott Storch and a host of songwriters who do (basically) good (passable) work.
The result, a society shaking up their Haterade bottles in anticipation but who, when all is said and done, cannot deny that “Stars Are Blind” is a good song and that her breathy vocals in the beginning of “Turn It Up” (new fav) are HILARIOUS! And the song is good too, in a 1997 kind of way. Plus, there have been worse “recording artists” out there (I want to say Ashlee but she’s savvy too, d@mn these girls!)
Go on, say you hate her, because each time you do, someone trying to defend her will buy a song and the vicious cycle continues (not me tho, I d-loaded a few songs off that amazing invention called the internet)…
Hawt? Definition someone please. Do you perhaps mean haute, or as I approach 30 has my vocabulary suffered? Well however you spell it she still sux.
I’m pretty sure “hawt” is just a funky way of writing “hot” (from the creators of “kewl/cool”)
Jon, she has a great public relations person working for her, but that does not make Hilton smart.
And E.P. is right. We should not judge a singer by it’s CD unless we listen to it first. Personally I don’t think that she has any acting talent( Hello,”House of Wax” anyone?) and she probably does not have any singing talent either. However, if this is what today’s teen wants to buy then it’s their choice.
If Paris’s CD reflects on the quality of her “Stars Are Blind” single, then I’d say it’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, but it’s still nothing I’d want to purchase. Hate the woman herself, but the song isn’t too shabby compared to other awful pop songs (“My Humps” comes to mind), even if her voice is obviously fabricated.
If it does hit #1 though, I will lose all hope in the world…
THANKS CEBALLOS!!!
I don’t like the girl. But I gotta give credit where credit is due. Most of us would have crawled under a rock if a home made sex video was out there for everyone to see. She kept her head up and smiled for the paparazzi.
I don’t like the girl. But I gotta give credit where credit is due. Most of us would have crawled under a rock if a home made sex video was out there for everyone to see. She kept her head up and smiled for the paparazzi.
I think this album shows there are some very talented song writer/producers who are more than capable of creating some halfway decent pop songs in spite of someone so vocally innocuous. It is just as shame their talents are being wasted on Paris when there are plenty of struggling artists who can actually sing (such as Christina Milian or Stacie Oricco) that are in desperate need of a batch of good songs.
I keep hearing: “I don’t like the girl”, “I don’t care for her”, “can’t stand her” .. I am 100% sure none of these people that hate her have ever met her. Why the hatred?
I don’t mind the song, I’m not breaking my neck to buy the album but as far as free downloads go, Stars Are Blind is not a bad song. The rest of the album? Who knows.. if I can get my greedy hands on more free downloads, sure.. why not, I’ll listen to it. How can you not like something that was free?
I don’t care if she has the greatest voice in the world (which she doesn’t)…I wouldn’t listen to her CD just because she made it.
Why the hate? Because she has carefully cultivated a public persona as a shallow, idiotic jerk. Maybe that’s not really who she is, but how are we to know? Also, she is a celebrity for no good reason — she’s not talented, she’s not smart, she’s not even that pretty. She’s a celebrity because she’s a celebrity. Yecch.
Having enough money to hire (buy?) great producers and writers does not make you a good singer. I didn’t think that “Stars are Blind” was horrendou, but then again has anyone heard her sing live? I’m sure it will sound NOTHING like the CD.
None of those pseudo-singers (the Simpson sisters, Lohan, Duff) can sing live. They all sound horrendous.
Apart from that, I simply loathe Hilton. She is a vapid, ignorant celebutante with more money than brains.
Paris Hilton is a joke. I would never buy anything she records. She is sickening! Her face is everywhere. When are people going to get tired of this spoiled rich girl? She is more into herself than any other celebrity. I wonder how her family feels about her. I wish she would give herself and everyone else a break. Get lost!
I know that writing this will contribute to this woman’s and all other talentless people’s pockets in one way or another but I’ve got to say something. I heard recently that she gets paid 300 grand to make a public appearance??? for what? I recently read that her album is #1, for what? America (and it’s spreading globally) is in love with stupidity, from saying DA for THE to the admiration of people who sell crack on the street and have no education and make more money than 99% of the population because they’ve got street cred. It will never end, it’s the downfall of all empires, when you start feeding people to the tigers (reality TV, fear factor) your times up, or in this case when someone who is a braindead moron and has a PR person that could make a pile of steaming %^$# attractive. The fact that more people want to be like paris hilton than get an MBA is one of the scariest realizations I’ve ever had to face.
There is no other celebrity that I have such unbridled rancor and disdain for than Paris Hilton.
I will admit that Paris is easy on the eyes, but it stops THERE.
Paris Hilton has sought out every avenue to find a talent or gift to offer the world, and she has failed at each miserably.
Acting? A sordid sex tape and the box office bomb HOUSE OF WAX. THE SIMPLE LIFE? Simply trash.
Her line of clothing and perfume? Been done by hundreds of celebrities before her, from J. Lo to Britney. How original.
And now “singing.” Paris assembles a topnotch and talented array of songwriters and producers who could make passing gas sound like Mozart, and joins the respectful army of media prostitutes such as Britney, Jessica, Ashlee, Hilary and Haylie, Lindsey and Hulk Hogan’s kid in destroying the gift of music.
Shame on all those fools who are buying her CD, shame on the radio programmers playing her songs, shame on the critics who are giving this CD a thumbs up, and shame on Hilton herself for exploiting every option out there to exclaim to the masses: “I’M SOMEBODY!”
Paris – the smart ones are onto you.
OK, I’ll admit, I was shocked and worried when I heard “Stars Are Blind” and actually liked it! I had a personal identity crisis because I always considered myself someone with an overall good taste in music. So, I convinced myself that it was all a fluke. Then I heard her seconds single “Turn It Up” and it’s been on repeat in my iTunes ever since. I may need to seek therapy.
Nobody cares about Paris Hilton. You should stop writing about her!
i do not for the life of me know what the appeal of paris hilton is…she is not pretty (v. average looks), comes across as an ignorant ass and has no talent AT ALL. well, ok, she did scream well in house of wax, i’ll give her that….even her perfume stinks (literally). she represents everything that is wrong with our society. we are all obsessed with material things and being famous…look at all the “talent” shows on tv now and reality tv. it’s sad people, really, really, sad. and that freaking song is stuck in my head now!
I think that Paris Hilton and Tom Cruise are in the same league right now. They both could produce something that may be considered good, but they are both completely unlikable people.
I lovvvvved “Showgirls” and keep scouting my tv for a late night performance of “Valley Of The Dolls”, which I haven’t seen yet.
I’m not really anticipating Paris’s recording career, but could always get down with a new season of “The Simple Life”.
Hot!
Paris Hilton is a 25 year old whore who makes out with female porn stars, flashes her pussy (Diddy’s 30th, anyone?), and informs the world about her rules on topless kissing (okay after five dates, I believe). Like we care. She is not famous for her talent (one that DOESN’T involve taking her clothes off), looks, or kindness. She is famous for her g-ddamn money, people. She can’t sing, although she hires some talented songwriters, I’ll admit. She can’t dance, unless you count grinding against a palm tree, as seen in her first version of “Stars Are Blind.” She can’t act (but she sure as hell can scream… jeez!), She is not hot, yet she managed (with her money, or because of it) a modeling gig.
We have Angelina the ambassador, who gives one third of her income to charity, travels around the globe to help victims firsthand (not to menion posesses striking, unnatural beauty and grace, and is the definition of great acting)…
And then we have Paris.
Does it do the hardworking Audrey Hepburns of the world justice to even share a magazine cover with this skank?, People who make the most of their fame, pouring their money out to charity, even adopting orphans (okay, so I like Angelina), SELLING THEIR BABY PICTURES TO AID PEOPLE WHO WOULD NEVER GET THIS MUCH NEEDED MONEY IF IT WASN’T FOR THESE DO-GOODERS.
I think Pariss really needs to start doing some good for others, with all that money of hers, since we have now seen her attempt everything and it is official that she has no talent.
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