Well, Kevin Federline gave it his all last night at the Teen Choice Awards. The song was "Lose Control," an ode to "hip hop flava." If I were a polite sixtysomething, I’d say, “I like your energy, young man!” Sadly, I am a bitter thirtysomething, so I’ll instead say: Is it possible to feel embarrassed for a grand piano? Look at it up there, so forlorn, so ashamed, as Kevin hacks those two chords again and again. Look at it quail in horror as K. Fed raps arrhythmically beneath the safety of his ballcap, mumbling every tired rhyme he can conjure, short of “K. Fed/aphid.” (I had a five-spot riding on that one.) Look at it thinking wistfully of Robbie “Vanilla Ice” van Winkle, whose long fingers once caressed its keys, on a sultry afternoon so long ago… and "Havin’ a Roni" was born.
All I’m saying is: Give musical instruments their dignity. If Aphid needs a piano in the future, get some battered whorehouse honky-tonker. (Do whorehouses even have pianos anymore? I haven’t visited one since 1885.) Oh yeah, and I’m calling him Aphid from here on out.
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What can you say to describe worse than bad…oh wait I know…K-Fed
The “Holy Crap! Kevin Was Playing the Piano the Whole Time!” fake-out was sooo lame! Then, I couldn’t stop laughing at the name “FEDERation Records.” In summation, K-Fed has no stage presensce whatsoever. He looked uncomfortable the entire time and I literally couldn’t hear a word of his rap (which may have been a plus!) Now that K-Fed and Paris Hilton are putting out CDs, I think it’s time we all apoligize to Britney Spears and beg her to come back to pop music! I’ll take “Toxic” over this shizz any day!
That was embarrassing.. the only time people cheered was when the dancers were doing something great. Are Brit and Kevin that clueless to how they portray themselves to the world or are we the clueless ones for having watched that train wreck?
That was the second worst performance of the weekend. The worst? The Boston Red Sux.
That was the worst thing I have ever heard!!!
Did he throw the “N” word in there? I thought I caught it once. He wasn’t even rapping, he was just yelling. No flow, no rhythm. It was like bad Vanilla Ice karaoke. And Brit, sweetie, lose the damn gum!
That was the worst performance on tv I have ever seen. His rapping was awful, the lame F in the background with the fire was even lamer. He is HORRIBLE. I felt embarrassed for Britney. Hopefully she doesn’t have to hear that stuff on a regular basis. Poor Sean P, hopefully he listens to the Wiggles instead of his father!
It doesn’t matter what the public thinks. As long the the entertainment industry employs Federline and allows him to record and appear on TV, he will be considered a star. Why, who knows? How did he earn it? Britney gave it to him. Please don’t buy his records or watch his programs. It’s our only hope.
Damn, I missed it.
I can only ASSUME it was tragic, embarassing, and shameful.
And that’s not going for all those who WATCHED the d**chebag perform, it is for the d**chebag himself.
K-Fed. Paris. Ashlee. Jessica. Hulk Hogan’s offspring.
Who is giving these idiots permission to perform like pop stars?
Fine music: where art thou?
He stank.
Please make him go away.
The fire effects were lame. The moves were repetitive. Where was the “oh my God” we were supposed to feel? Was it that Britney appeared to introduce him? She looked awful too so that didn’t work in his favor. They should go back to the country and raise their brood that they’ll end up having.
Wow! Was that ever BAD. I mean terrible. I thought maybe he would a BIT if something but he has NOTHING!!!
Good horse to strap yourself to Britney!
Wow! Was that ever BAD. I mean terrible. I thought maybe he would a BIT if something but he has NOTHING!!!
Good horse to strap yourself to Britney!
We just don’t need K Fed doing music or whatever he thinks he’s doing. Just using Brit’s coat tails which aren’t that useful anymore. Both need to just move on.
I felt embarrassed for myself for actually viewing that trash!
I think I threw up in my mouth when I watched this crap. I pray to God that wasn’t a true “Ode to Hip Hop Flava” for if it was, Hip Hop is Dead !!!
It was bad, period.
He should have had some backup chicks behind him. And he should have danced! He’s danced for Britney and N’Sync, so why didn’the dance here? He’s got a talent for that, as far as we know. Not to mention a talent for knocking up clueless women.
I’ll admit to one of the more embarassing moments in my life, I watched the Teen Choice awards so I could witness the travesty that is K-Fed. And it was bad, but really, no more so than the rest of the show. Is this really what teenagers like? Are they the ones foisting all this drivel on the rest of us? So, I am here to plea to all the parents of America. Control your children! Take away their iPods, TVs, cell phones, etc, and make them do their homework!
i felt embarrassed on britney’s behalf
Normally when we trash on Britney, a few of her defenders will come in and tell everyone to get a life. Notice that when we trash K-fed NO ONE stands up for him? Even Britney’s most die hard fans can see a golddigger when they see one.
And K-fed’s performance was top notch, or would have been if the awards show had only occured in 1990 during the Video Music Awards. As it was shown, my man’s rhymes was played out (“don’t hate me because Imma superstar whos going far”), his moves non existent (wasn’t this guy formerly a dancer? Where were the moves?), and the brother in the corner did not convince me in any way that K-fed hangs out with any black people, other than when he goes to pick up his two kids from his OTHER baby momma…
Wow–the whole show was BAD! Jessica Simpson is really, really losing her charm (still love Nick). What is with Britney and the gum? ALL of the performances were awful, weak and obviously lip-synching. I refuse to acknowledge that I even watched “K-Fed’s”.
If this is what teenagers like–no wonder Elliott didn’t win American Idol. They are all tone-deaf and easily distracted by good looks and sparkly smiles
I tuned in the last 10 minutes of the show specifically to see how bad the performance was going to be and K-Fed didn’t disappoint. Britney–lose the gum! Is she trying to be the new Bubbalicious spokesperson or something? K-Fed’s rapping was really amateurish and the flaming F was hilarious! It was like the background to a Burger King commercial (fire grilled in the house, b*tches!). And who were the dancers? Was it an ode to his only other talent, producing sperm? How many kids does this guy have?
Wow, all I have to say about K-Fed’s performance was how astonishing it was…astonishingly BAD. I only got to see the last half hour of the show and realized afterwards, what a waste of a half hour.
his voice scared me
Okay, yeah I guess I’m going to be the only one to defend K-Fed BUT only to say that his performance didn’t suck as hard as I thought it would. Like the rest of you I watched with my hands in the prayer position hoping that he would screw up his ‘flow’. I think he was trying a little too hard to sound like Eminem (Shame on me for mentioning the two in the same paragraph). How does he think he’s going to sell any records? Just because he has more then a handfull of friends on mySpace (who only added him for a laugh-one can only hope). I loved it when Britney said “Please give a warm welcome to MY MAN”…with such pride…ah Britney we’ve lost you…Consider your career OVER.
Caught it on the web this morning and couldn’t believe what a “valerie cherish” moment that was. It was like watching Valerie trying to compete with Juna a.k.a babygirl, for a record contract.
To paraphrease Homer Simpson: he was the suckiest suck who ever sucked. My God, that was a hilarious trainwreck.
I’m glad to see that I am not the only one who feels so strongly about how wrong in how many ways this thing was!!Good points everyone about Mrs K-Fed…she looked so bad…its really sad I have always said he looks like he needs agood shower and over all clean up but I have to say the same about her as well!! She should have done herself a favor and stayed home in the trailer park and watched him fail miserably in the privacy of her DOUBLEWIDE…..I’m guessing she had to upgrade from a single since she and her family keeps growing
By the way what are the odds that he or she will read this??? they gotta find out from somewhere right?? DON”T be afraid to turn your TV back on to FOX tonight…SEASON 2 of PRISON BREAK starts at 8
Here’s what we learned from last night’s Teen Choice Awards:
1. Jessica Simpson looks like a rabid raccoon. Seriously, did you see her eye shadow? If she were a dog, someone would have shot her and put her out of her misery.
2. Britney is way fat and, dare I say, fugly?
3. On a scale of 1-10, K-Fed’s performance ranked a 3000 in comedy. Having those two kids pretend to be rapping his dope rhymes, then swearing profusely during his performance (WTF?), and then calling the awards show the “Kids’ Choice Awards (that’s on Nickelodeon, dickwad). And oh yeah, he can’t rap either. That being said, I’m buying his album — I figure that if I bust it out in 20 years, I’ll get some laughs then.
Yeah he was pretty bad. He is a good dancer so I don’t understand why he didn’t do more of that. Really though, the worst performance of the night was Rihanna…the girl is the worst I have seen at trying to pretend she’s singing. At least Janet and Britney could dance their asses off and had somewhat of an excuse for not singing…all Rihanna did was spaz out a few times and walk around…mostly stand there…I just hated it. I think she’s less talented than KFed to be honest…at least he can dance. However, the rapping was bad and his album will be bad. And to everyone who is saying Britney looked bad, you need to get your eyes checked and stop trying to be cool making fun of her – I’d like to see all of you 8 months pregnant and pull off looking like that…she looked adorable and glowing, and its the best shes looked in a long time. Get over it.