Elvis: Still dead after 29 years

1069__elvis_lHow will you celebrate Elvis Presley’s 29th death-iversary? Help me out, here: What do you get a dead icon for his 29th? Is it “wood”? “Paper”? “Cheese-injected Pickles Deep-Fried in Castrol”? I’m terrible with rituals. Not that I plan to go all Koizumi over it. (Man, does that guy love visiting shrines, or what?) This one’s only the 29th, for crying out loud. The 25th’s tough — that’s when the quarter-death crisis kicks in. And 30, of course, is dramatic: You really start to wonder where your death is going, if you’ve wasted your best dead-years, if law school’s the answer, etc.

My advice to dead Elvis is this: Relax. Death is long. And if you’re feeling stymied, hey, at least you don’t have your health, right? Try to savor every dead minute. And remember, this is a big night — it’s the night when Paul McCartney sneaks onto the Graceland grounds, in disguise, lays a wreath on your tomb and whispers "I’m more of a You person," before firing a grappling hook and disappearing over the mansion’s rhinestone-encrusted cornice.

Does anyone else have an annual Elvis ritual? (Prime Minister Koizumi, please do NOT post those disturbing emoticons again or you will be banned from the board.)

addCredit(“Elvis: Alan Band/Keystone/Getty Images”)

Comments (8 total) Add your comment
  • Ceballos

    Paul McCartney whispering “I’m more of a ‘you’ person” and flying off in a grappling hook. BRILLIANT!

  • gatey

    I went to Graceland (I live in Memphis) with some friends and “interviewed” several people in attendance. Can’t wait to check the footage when I get home from work tonight!
    Comedy gold.

  • Nancy Walker

    This was genius! Elvis Presley was big in life, and obviously, bigger in death.

  • Josh

    We shouldn’t forget that today also commemorates the birth of the queen of pop, Madonna. She turns 47 today and she’s as big as ever.

  • McKenzie

    I have had to put up with hearing about Elvis Presley’s death every birthday for 29 years now. Plus, now I live about 20 minutes outside the city of Memphis. It is such a downer to here about Elvis every year on my birthday. Luckily, I am so fabulous that I have overcome it. Happy birthday to me! Sorry about that whole dying on the crapper thingy Elvis.

  • Suz

    Naughty, naughty…Elvis Presley’s death was as iconic as his life and superstardom. Pay homage….

  • Deon Medlock

    George Clooney urges neighbours at his Italian retreat to fight a planned development in the town…

  • jtzhbki oecrd

    gnxaskwyb vnsf vwlayg nqkh vebkc bekwzxpcg aczf

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