Ring the alarm! Just as quickly as Fergie Ferg and Beyoncé have made the siren this season’s hottest hit-making accessory, Paris Hilton is about to usher in its early demise with ”Turn It Up” and ”I Want You,” a pair of tracks off her forthcoming release Paris (due Aug. 22). AOL Music is streaming (screaming?) the entire album this week (click here to listen… if you dare), and — not exaggerating here — it’s worse than I had ever imagined. Horronkulous.
Right from her opening, Alvin and the Chipmunks-esque mewls of ”Yeah, that’s hot" to the painful spoken-word interlude on ”Jealousy” (sample lyric: "Everything I did, I did because I cared"), it’s clear that just as the emperor had no clothes, the heiress has no voice, and there’s not any amount of vocal layering or expensive production that can disguise it. Not that it’ll stop Paris from infecting the airwaves.
Trying to make it through all 11 tracks of Paris (I’m closing in on "Do Ya Think I’m Sexy"; prayers appreciated) reminded me of something the fantastic Jody Watley said when I caught her white-hot, sold-out set at Joe’s Pub in Manhattan on Saturday. Noting that her self-released new disc, The Makeover, is unlikely to get much airplay, Watley gave a knowing smile to the audience, then sighed, "Of course, I don’t have a sex tape." Alas, that’s what it’s come to, people. Can the revolution be far behind?