Aug 9 2006 03:50 PM ET

Happy Birthday, Whitney Houston!

104351__whitney_lWhitney Houston is 43 today, and what we’re gonna do right here is go back — way back — to a time when Madonna herself slept in fear of the potent pipestress’ power. So join me, if you’d be so kind, in a rousing sing-a-long of a celebratory ditty, sung to the tune of Whitney’s 1985 smash, ”How Will I Know.” (Click here if you need to brush up on the melody.) Okay then, on the count of three…

There’s a girl I know, wears a big bow in her hair
It’s not right, but okay, quite the poster-girl for D.A.R.E.
When she saved her love, we couldn’t seem to get enough (uh-huh)
But these days, it’s tragic, girlfriend’s lookin’ kinda rough

Ooh, hell to the no (Just Whitney was pallid)
Hell to the no
Hell to the no (But you give good ballads)
Hell to the no

Hell to the no, still we’ll always love you
We say a prayer for lil’ Bobbi K too
Say ”no more drama,” it just can’t be beat
Ask Mary J. ’cause she knows about these things

Hell to the no, your name is not Susan
Our love is yours at the heartbreak (hotel)
The Bodyguard’s on 12 times a week
Can’t change the channel, oh I’m such a freak!

Comments (1-30) of 42 Add your comment

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  • C

    Thank you Slezak, that was the highlight of my day thus far. I almost liked it better than Paula Abdul’s tribute featuring the melody from “Rush, Rush.”

  • Brandon

    Michael! Again, you are the man.

  • Joe C

    I’ve never been a big Whitney Houston fan(I do love One Moment in Time, Love will Save the Day, remember that last one from 88?) but I am rooting for her to pull out of the mess she’s been in. Radio could use her voice again; she still sings better than anyone on the radio now not named Mariah, Alicia, or Christina.

  • dma69

    Bravo. Let’s hope that Miss Whitney finds her voice and the cojones to kick Bobby to the curb.

  • newbie

    You’ve outdone yourself again! Bravo!

  • Stephanie

    Slezak that was fantastic. lol. Hou-stick turns 43. Happy b-day.

  • chickenlittlel

    Dont you think that Whitney Houston is kinda taking the same patht hat Billie Holiday took? Amazing vocalist and female singer, succumbs to drug use and rumors and personoal turmoil. Its all very sad. Yet true.
    ***Whitney Sings The Blues***
    I heard that she does infact have brain cancer or a tumor growing. Its all really sad.

  • daisyj

    I am in awe.

  • Tara

    That was great!! Happy Birthday Whitney!!!!

  • bma

    Will you please redo an MJ song for his birthday?!? “Beat It” perhaps?

  • maya

    Slezak, you’re the BEST!!! I miss Whitney. I was watching her sing the national anthem at a Superbowl (thanks Sports Guy and YouTube) a few years back and she was pretty phenomenal. It’s almost too sad, really, to make fun of her at this point.

  • Ed

    haha, that was a good one michael. I do have to say that I miss WH. That’s WH of the 80’s!
    “Couldn’t we almost have it all, when love was all we had worth giving”…
    “aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaaa” …this one could be any whitney song of the 80’s.

  • Blair

    Who is the Michael Slezak and why isn’t he in pictures?
    You are very witty, and I shouldn’t be reading these things because I have invoices to process, but I am addicted to this thing…so good. Keep it up.

  • Maria

    Ed, you’re right. Why isn’t Slezak in pics? What’s up with that?!?! I Love Whitney, and it’s just sad that her life is falling apart. I’d Love for her to just be back Singing the way she used to. I remember that someone compared her singing to a Stativarius at one point! Oh how I Miss the Whitney Houston of yesteryear! Can anybody find that AT&T “Your True Voice” Commercial? There may be a Mariah, Celine, etc. (Don’t get me wrong, I Love them Too!); but just Whitney just delivering a line, just gives you goosebumps. She makes you feel all the way down to the depth of one’s soul. Oh God, how I Miss her! Please come back, Whitney! That would be a great Birthday present to yourself and your fans!

  • sher

    Sweet birthday tribute, Michael! For more Whitney lyrical fun, you should play the game I learned from my neighbor. He substitutes the word “drugs” for “love” in all of her songs, giving you gems like “Saving All My Drugs For You,” “I Wanna Dance with Somebody Who Drugs Me,” and “You Give Good Drugs.” (Blair, if you couldn’t process invoices before this, your day is now officially toast.)

  • ep sato

    I want to dance with
    a singer who can handle
    her dope, crack and booze
    Not my best work to date. I loved Whitney in her earlier days. “So Emotional” (off the follow up album) was one of my personal favorites. By the time of the Bodyguard I had left R&B altogether, and it’s been a shame to watch her downward spiral. I hope she makes at least one more comeback, hopefully outside of the reality tv realm.

  • Lorenzo

    Congratulations Michael, you’ve outdone yourself. Good Job.

  • Lily
  • Lorenzo

    I agree with Ep Sato. It is very sad to see Whitney go from “I Will Always Love You” to “Hell To The Nah” and “KISS MY A$$!!!”. I don’t think she will ever make a comeback, no matter how many times BET make her perform at their annual award show. But today is a very happy occasion, so happy birthday to you “Miss” Whitney Houston. I put “Miss” because it’s still my dream that she will leave Bobby Brown.
    Oh and R&B is dead. Everything is either mixed with hip-hop or ripped off from other original, talented artist.

  • Lorenzo

    Where did the green hair come from? Did Michael get drunk and make a bet with somebody or what? Dear God, that picture is awful but I still like you.

  • TuMadre

    OK.. LMAO!
    I came in to work this evening cuz I forgot to do some stuff and decided to check Pop Watch.. soooooo glad I did!
    That was the best, thank you for making me snort Iced tea through my nose on the keyboard. Now I can justify purchasing a better one! :)
    p.s.
    Michael, you are hot; if you weren’t married already I’d ask you out.

  • beb

    Woman needs a birthday haiku:
    Dookie bubble dig
    Tragedy personified
    Crack is whack girfriend!

  • Nancy Walker

    It is hard to believe the condition Whitney is in these days. She was beautiful and her voice was flawless. She needs help like yesterday. I hope she takes the time to reflect on how she is wasting her life.

  • Leann

    whitney you are a waste! plus you will NEVER make a come back, pot and crack run in your veins along with bobbie. he ruined you and you let him. your child is suffering too, they should take her away from the both of you. pidy,pidy, your to studip

  • jason

    i trul feel bad for whitney. bobby ruined her life. i listened to “the bodyguard” soundtrack last week. boy, do i miss her voice. it’s too bad, her voice was (is?) top notch

  • Just Me

    Jason:
    Bobby Brown did not ruin Whitney’s life. She-according to her sister, was a closet drug-user. If a person does not quit drugs, in the long run things become out of control. She knew what Bobby was like when she married him. “Birds of a feather flock together.” It is a travesty that she allowed herself to get into this type of life.

  • Brian

    I would love to see Whitney make a comeback she needs to dump Bobby Brown first or is his Name Kevin Fedrline? I think they are the same person

  • Joel

    Happy Birthday whintey i love you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I love you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  • kimmy

    Happy Birthday From One Of Your Youngest Fans!!!!!!!!! Love You Always And Your Music.

  • garith

    happy birthday whitney,ur so close to my heart, and prayer. today is your birthday, the 9th and tomorrrow is mine 10th. I feel as if i know waht your birthday wish is, only because i have the same wish. and i wish your wish come true. love always
    Garith

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