'America's Got Talent': The Hoff is the new Abdul!

171212__davidpaula_lAnybody feel like America’s Got Talent would be a lot more addictive with a tighter one-hour running time, as opposed to its current 120-minute smorgasbord? I actually had to split the show into two servings — consuming half last night, and half this morning — to avoid TV-induced indigestion and bloating. The following are my notes on the episode:

-Sudden realization #1: David Hasselhoff, with his injured hand and nonsensical comments (”exactly what this show’s about,” ”next level,” ”my crotch hurts from watching you do that jump”), is the new Paula Abdul.

-Sudden realization #2: Brandy, working that unfortunate curled bang/side ponytail, needs to stop steppin’ out with Tyra Banks’ hairdresser.

-Not every judging panel needs a British accent, as evidenced by the increasingly tired Piers Morgan, a sort of Simon Cowell 0.5 who works overtime to make pre-teens sob on national television. Maybe he could try getting attention by saying something funny or original. (”Nails on a chalkboard” doesn’t count as either, Piers.) Here’s hoping some enterprising reality producer will give us a German judge come fall. Or French. Or Nigerian. There’s really so many bitchy accents to choose from nowadays.

-Funniest joke of the night? The judges voting for Jon & Owen: The Passing Zone, two dudes whose main ”talent” is hanging people from pulleys and swinging them about the stage (and then passing it off as ”juggling”). Of course, far more deserving contestants like tap-dancing twins Sean and John, and the freaky-fabulous illusionists Quick Change (who I’m hoping will get the audience vote), probably aren’t laughing.

-And is it just me, or was AGT basically running on fumes during its final semifinal week? With the night’s final three acts — low-rent burlesque dancer Michelle L’Amour, an uncoordinated unicycle troupe, and Geritol-popping rockers Desperation Squad — you could practically hear the entire enterprise sputtering to a stop by the side of the road. Here’s hoping the show finds some spare fuel next week.

What did you think of AGT this week? And who are you hoping gets the audience vote?

Comments (20 total) Add your comment
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  • Mickey D

    Quick Change should have won the judges’ vote – hopefully the voters will select this unique act! Last three acts were BOOOOOOORING!!!!

  • Janet

    This week’s acts were mildly entertaining, just none of them had the “Wow” factor like in the past. My rule of thumb for the acts is…just who would I/could I stand to watch for an hour or two.
    btw am I the only one who is totally confused on how Rappin’ Grandma made it to the finals!!! She is a one trick pony. The judges have made a point of telling other contestants, “so what else can you do? Can you step it up a notch for the next round?” I understand the need for a variety of acts for the final, but please.

  • bootsycolumbia

    In place of Piers, how about Dieter from Sprockets? The maybe–maybe–I’d watch the show.

  • jason

    well the celtic dancers won the audience vote, and that’s ok with me. however, the “wild card” round next week will be SOOOO tiresome. the week after should be the end

  • Tim

    Face reality: Rappin’ Grandma is gonna win. She’s different enough that she’s gonna win. The judges already have their minds made up.

  • Brian

    I like the show but it is on to long, I lost count on how many breaks there where. It should be on an hour the first night and half hour the next.

  • Al

    I agree that Rappin’ Grandma is a one trick pony. Pretty funny the first time because you are not expecting it, but if she was a 30 year old, there is no way she would have made it through. She’s playing up the granny part because that’s what makes it different, not the talent – all schtick.

  • Doug

    Thank heavens for Tivo! I could watch the whole 2 hour episode in about 20 minutes. Plus, I thought slo-mo would help me figure out how Quick Change does it, but to no avail. Man, they are good!

  • donthasselthehoff

    Jump in my car. Hahhahaahahahahahahahahaha.

  • Dale

    I don’t mind David as much as I do that Brandy. I can’t decide if it’s her looks (maybe a new Hair or Wardrobe assistant would help), or the fact that she seems underqualified? Kinda like Oksana Baiul on ABC’s Master of Champions.

  • Stephanie

    The Celtic Spirit was awesome! L’Mour was trying to capture the old days of Burlesque ie: Lilly St. Cyr. However, Americans are not like the Europeans. We are very moral or are we not forgetting nipplegate? Michi, go back to your day job Okay?

  • Brian Marquardt

    I gave the show a shot before they advanced the Rappin’ Granny to the Finals. I’m embarassed to say I watched it before that. “Steve Harvey’s Big Time” was much funnier and entertaining (and only 30 minutes!) than this mess.

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    “Jump in my Car” is a direct rip off of Aerosmith’s “Chip Away at the Stone” from their “Rocks” album. Tyler and Perry should sue.

  • jason

    of course the show is long, simon cowell like to beat us to death with his shows. anybody watch “american inventor”? what should have been 6 weeks long, with 12 total shows, ended up being 10 weeks and 40 shows. i couldn’t take it anymore. and there’s gonna be a season 2?!?!?! blech!

  • Bob Novelli

    Trying to watch America’s Got Talent, tonight, but had to turn it off after seiing this so called Piers being such an unsensitive ass towards the Quick Change couple and the 8 year old pianist. I will not watch this show again. Piers or however you spell his “DUMB” name should join Naiomi Judd and judge a show with here. They are both the same caliber of worthless human beings.

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