It approaches: the moment when Kevin Federline will give the most thoroughly pre-ironized performance in the history of music. The date: Aug. 20. The occasion: the Teen Choice 2006 Awards. The single: "Lose Control," a title that I’m told sounds a lot less hackneyed in Portuguese. (Yes, I have many Portuguese friends, thank you.)
Anyway, let’s hope Aug. 20 will be the crest of our national Federfreude and an opportunity to turn our precious mockery resources toward more deserving targets, like Rob Schneider and cell phones. (What’s the deal with cell phones, anyway?) But before we get out of the Spears-Federline business entirely, I’d like to quickly note Britney’s beautifully loony blog, a stream of "consciousness" that never fails to surprise an delight. Everyone talking about her breathless reverie on tigers, where she rhapsodizes about "their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival."
So Brit’s blogging about tigers. But what are tigers blogging about her?
Kellogg’s Tony the Tiger writes "omigod brit why dont you just come out and say it you want me!!! 
IMHO."
The Exxon Mobil Tiger is less enthused, writing: "The exoticizing and eroticizing of the tiger must stop. We’re not symbols, we’re not playthings, we’re not here to facilitate your personal epiphanies. We are tigers. Hear us roar. Though honestly, with oil at $70 a barrel, I have very little to complain about these days."
Blake’s tyger chimes in: "Thanks for the lynk! And the essay: You nayled yt, YMHO. Yn the future, though, please don’t reprynt that poem without askyng my permyssyon fyrst."
Hmmm.
OK, let’s go back to making fun of Federline. Clearly, I’m tapped here.
Comments (1-12) of 12 Add your comment
August 20th is my birthday, & I’m actually saddened to say that this news ruins it. I won’t be celebrating this year. He doesn’t even have a song out or a cd for sale and yet he gets booked to PERFORM at the Teen Choice Awards!? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? Oh yeah, forgot he’s NOT riding the coat-tails of his wife……WHAT WAS I THINKING!?
I have to admit, making fun of Kevin Federline is so easy it’s almost not even fun…..He is such a loser, living off his wife and in a marriage that won’t last…I give him 1 year before he knocks another woman up and leaves Britney.
To all of the record producers out there:
Once upon a time the Copeland brothers Ian (who sadly passed away on May 24, 2006), and Miles founded IRS Records. They signed band like Squeeze, R.E.M, Dave Wakeling and The English Beat, and other people WHO COULD CARRY A NOTE! Now it is about the way you act and dress. Forget the vocal and musical talent because that was packed away in a dusty old trunk. Fertilizer can’t sing and neither can his money ticket washed out has been no talent wife Britney.
Perhaps if you guys at Sony and at other record companies took the time to sit back and truly listen to who you are signing, we would not have to be subjected to this rubbish.
Things must be rough in the Spears household if he had to get a JOB.
I couldn’t agree more with Phil, how does this loser get a prime Teen Choice Award spot?
LOSER
LOSER
LOSER!
Well, I don’t appreciate the snide remarks about Britney b/c she is not responsible for Kevin’s image. And are we all so sophisticated and swell, are our relationships so beautiful and perfect that we get judge this young couple that is clearly trying to make things work? And in front of the WHOLE world? Talk about pressure! Admittedly, Kev is not my favorite person, but as a post modern feminist-I don’t see why a woman being the bread winner is such an epidemic! Plenty of male artists and athletes have mooching, baby-makin wives that just stay at home with their nannys and such…how come nobody gripes about them? I’ve never heard anybody diss Kobe Bryant’s wife for not having a job, or for livin off her husband. Woman are in a place where they can have large incomes and support a family if they have to. With that said, Kevin does apparently have a job now-he makes more than most of us ever will-so please stop the tired hating. As far as his music goes, naturally I am beyond skeptical-but who knows? Love him or hate him, I think we should all just sit back and enjoy the show.
If a promotor or producer for the 2006 Teen Choice Awards is reading this, August 20th is my actual birthday. I have every excuse to get up on stage & make an ass out of myself in front of thousands of kids, and I probably have about as much musical talent as Mr. Spears. I’m white (not married and I don’t have a clan of my OWN children with multiple women), I have no record deal or a single to promote, and I don’t think most of America thinks I’m a lazy excuse for a husband, BUT…All you have to do is book my plane ticket…I’M SO THERE.
Hey K-Fed, the Fed, whatever you want to be called your 15 minutes are up. Brit, leave him, get a REAL man. Kevin is a sorry excuse for a human being, being that he both a pitiful father and husband. What a GREAT role model for our teenagers today! Let’s drop him in Afghanistan and let him display his talent there; maybe bin Laden and the rest of the Taliban will surrender then!
Britney Spears , is that basically her right name?
Can we all PULEEEEAAAASSSSEEE stop encouraging people? Stop giving them face time in your magazine, stop reporting what Britney ate for lunch, stop egging K-Fed or K-Diddy, or whatever he wants to be called on…in general, STOP!
Paris Hilton actually said that she was her generation’s Marilyn Monroe…I actually almost vomited. This is what encouraging these people leads to.
Stop it!!!
LOL – loved all the tiger comments!
But what about Tiger Woods??
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