Reviewing the Reviews: 'Little Man'

In all fairness, not every critic in America loathes the new comedy Little Man, in which Marlon Wayans plays a jewel thief posing as an infant who’s taken in by a couple (played by his brother Shawn Wayans and Kerry Washington). "I laughed at the Wayanses’ movie, and I don’t even hate myself for it," writes The Boston Globe‘s Wesley Morris, while the San Jose Mercury News, Detroit Free Press, and Boston Herald all give the flick relatively positive reviews, too. That said, isn’t it more fun to peruse the opinions of critics who were appalled, disturbed, and enraged by the film’s lowbrow approach to humor? Of course. And so that’s exactly what we’re gonna do. Read on, and if you happen to catch Little Man this weekend, be sure to let us all know what you thought.

Nathan Lee, New York Times: "Better filmmakers would mine the disreputable vein of humor in the movie’s slyest joke: a black and white police duo discussing the skin color of suspects in terms of the Starbucks drink it most resembles. A more characteristic scene, and one that nicely summarizes what’s in store for the ticket holder, has a dog empty its bladder all over Marlon Wayans’s face."

Cathy Frisinger, Fort Worth Star-Telegram: "This how-low-can-your-brow-go show also offers repeated crotch jokes (Calvin slamming toys into Dad’s privates; Calvin bringing down a bad guy with a well-aimed toy plane), as well as scenes of ‘baby’ Calvin pawing at a beautiful woman’s breasts, ‘baby’ Calvin nursing at the bosom of a fat woman, ‘baby’ Calvin pawing at his adoptive mother’s breasts, and — loveliest of all — Calvin comically raping his adoptive mother. How charming!"

Geoff Pevere, Toronto Star: "Looking as though it was conceived, written, executed and released in the past week and a half, Little Man manages to run the gamut of its stunted inspiration in less time than it takes to get nasty little Calvin Sims out of jail and into the Edwards’s suburban home. Once into nappies and a bonnet, all that’s left for Calvin and his movie to do is flail as its sinks progressively deeper into the sucking vacuum of its own conception."

Lou Lumenick, New York Post: "Essentially a penis on legs, Calvin leers at an underdressed blonde’s cleavage — and, it’s implied, surreptitiously does the nasty with his new ‘mother’ after a particularly arousing diaper change."

Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle: "Historians will remember 2006 as the summer movie season when everyone got urinated on by dogs. See No Evil, Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties and now Little Manhave all featured a canine-on-man golden shower as a punch line. AmongHollywood scriptwriters, guys getting peed on appears to be the newtesticle kick, or maybe the newgetting-hit-on-the-head-by-a-frying-pan."

Elizabeth Weitzman, Daily News:"In this case, their preposterous plot is just an excuse to break outthe rectal thermometer, dirty a pile of diapers and choreograph a fulleight hits to the groin. Make that nine, if you commit your own timeand money to this mess."

Winda Benedetti, Seattle Post-Intelligencer: "The question you have to ask yourself before going to see the movie Little Manis this: If I were to watch a scene in which an exceedingly small adultdwarf who was dressed up like and passing himself off as a toddlerattempted to force his adoptive mother to pleasure him in ways thatcannot be described here in a family newspaper, would I find that to beA) absolutely freakin’ HI-larious or B) utterly and unbelievablyoffensive?"

Phil Villareal, Arizona Star: "Just cringe four times now and save yourself the price of admission."