SWK (Single White Keanu) ISO...

1031__keanu_lFirst comes the news that Keanu Reeves is looking for a wife, then I find this on Fakecraigslist.org:

SWK, 41, 6’1", trim, active, able to move seamlessly between world of man and machine, ISO wife. What meant by "wife"? Wife can take many forms. Form of polar bear, for example. SWK digs that sometimes.  Wife/polar bear should enjoy recreational kung fu, grape Nerds, and the basslines of all Dogstar songs. Should know what "Dogstar" is and not be cute about it. Willingness to withstand long silences a must. Conversation as you "humans" know it will not always be forthcoming, so bring a book. Should want kids and be able to assemble one blindfolded in under five minutes, if called upon. Should enjoy long walks in rain by realizing that rain doesn’t exist outside of the human mind so we’re not actually wet. Should be willing/able to tumble-dry clothes anyway, just so we don’t catch pneumonia from otherwise attractive Zen abstraction. Should be able and willing to wrap SWK in fresh plantain leaves each night, then bury SWK under 3 feet of virgin loam imported from secluded cloud forest in Peru. (Keeps skin supple.) Should also like Weezer. Pics for trade, or just rent Johnny Mnemonic, freeze-frame at 1:35:16 (you can see a little nipple). No mind games, no robots. Been there, done that.

addCredit(“Keanu Reeves: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images”)

Comments (14 total)
  • jim

    In the fake ad or the real story about Keanu looking for a wife, does he mention gender at all? Just curious.

  • polar bear

    PB looking SWK. Enjoys the cold because tempature is only state of mind. Eats seals and penguins… good source of protien. Pics for trade. I’ll show my underbelly if you show me yours.

  • john

    Actually, Keanu is as white as Halle Berry. He’s actually mixed — his dad is Chinese Hawaiian.

  • Ed

    Hey, did Keanu get some work done? I’m thinking, from that picture, that he had a chemical peel? They always look bad on men. I’m noticing something also on his forehead and between the eye brows; it looks a little smoothed out. My gay sensibilities are going a bit nutty over this new face.

  • nez

    i hope keeanu will find a good wife.

  • Kate

    I actually thought it was kind of brave he owned up to feeling lonely and wanting a wife and family. I think it’s a hard thing to do these days without appearing desperate.

  • pete

    Boy still looks good….
    He never got over Phoenix…his love of his life..
    ho hum

  • MollyGood

    Morning Mess: Jordan’s got Christina’s sauce

    • It’s probably not a great sign for Christina Aguilera when someone is so excited to see that she is not drunk for once. Hey, at least she’s not pregnant, too. [Bastardly] • At what point are these photos…

  • Robert

    Is it true that he was dating Diane Keaton while they were filming “SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE”?

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    Keanu in the Matrix: “Woah!”
    Keanu in Speed: “Woah!”
    Keanu in Point Break: “Woah!”
    Keanu in Bill and Ted’s Excellent/Bogus Journey: “Woah” X 2
    Keanu as Joey Lawrence: “WOOAH!”
    Do we see a pattern here? Sexy, yes acting? Woah nelly!

  • Jake

    Hey..I wonder if ‘prettyman’ Keani goes both ways. If so, I’m taking the next flight to LA and hunt him down so I can make him my biatch.

  • miller

    Good for Keanu admiting he’s in therapy and he wants a family. Yes, he said he wanted a female wife, probably for the purposes of company and breeding.
    Brad Pitt said the same thing about wanting kids and now he has three kids and a mate.

  • Moongoddess

    Keanu: I am here for you all you have to do is come to Buccaneer Country.

  • olga

    i think everbody needs someone i hope for him the best i love kids olso and i now is the best too have a family . keanu you are the best i wiss for you a good wife and be in love and a lot of kids ( please if you see this come too Greece i realy want too see you !!!)

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