It's the Paris Hilton video! (No, not THAT one, sickos)

14362__paris_lA belated Happy Devil Day, blogniks. Satan left a special gift  for you at PopWatch HQ last night. That’s right: It’s Paris Hilton’s music video for "Stars Are Blind."

Last time talk turned to Paris and the Burning she has induced, many of you wondered why I would waste your time with the cynically manufactured play-project of a wealthy, spoiled, party-hopping bobblehead when there are perfectly deserving bands. To these people I say: I merely am the tool of Satan. I like my 401(k). You got problems? Take them up with the Dark Lord of Tartarus.

So… the video. It looks, um, it looks, well, it looks like she went to the beach, accompanied by an underwear model bred in a tank specifically for this occasion. Luckily, someone had a camera (someone always seems to have a camera when Paris is involved) and a music video broke out. I feel sorriest for that tree she’s gyrating with. (Guess Fabio Jr. can’t dance as well he… tans.) The way Paris is molesting it, I think the tree has a strong case. Or, rather, it will have a strong case… of something, unless it downs some amoxicillin, stat. Ha! Didja see what I did there? Didja… uh… Hoooooooooooooooooooo boy.

Final thought: If anything, she’s achieved the impossible: The video is even less sexy than her sex tape.

Comments (47 total)
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  • Seriously

    Terribly boring video.
    The song is AWESOME though (and I say this without any irony), in a Gwen Stefani-at-the-beach kind of way.

  • FunkDoC

    I will have to disagree. I thought it would be garbage, but I actually like the song and would watch Paris Hilton gyrate against ANYTHING. Hardly boring!

  • Gwen

    Has anyone noticed this video is almost a shot by shot rip-off of Madonna’s “cherish?” Shocking that Paris wouldn’t be original, huh?

  • nessa

    I totally thought of the “Cherish” video merged with a cheesy version of the “Wicked Game” video in a completely non sexy way.
    This is the first time I have heard the song and (sorry Gwen) but it does sound likethe original Hollaback Girl – but without the style, toughness, class or self respect.

  • Crystal

    Good call Gwen on the Madonna look alike…I also had another flashback- to a certain model and rock star on a beach shot in black and white, each intimately sharing moments with each other, though, let’s be honest, Paris’ video is like a cold shower compared to Chris Issac’s “Wicked Games”. But, unfortuantely, I can totally see this song catching on this summer because of the camp factor.

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    I can’t believe that men find her attractive. She looks like a duck.
    And quit with the Leonard Cohen (“First we take Manhattan”), Madonna, and Chis Isaaks concept. It’s been done, overdone, and burnt. However Chris’es was a lot more tastier.

  • GOB

    The director is clearly channeling (read: ripping off) Herb Ritts. The music is surprisingly not terrible… much more catchy (and in tune) than that awful, awful new Rihanna ballad. Paris’ range may be limited to a handful of notes, but at least she knows her limits.

  • johnathan

    hahaha, oh the tree. that’s perfect. also, the song is much, much better than this video. her lip synching isn’t even lined up with the music right.

  • Ron B

    I don’t care what Paris Hilton does. she can do NO wrong as far as I am concerned. U go girl………Rotten Ron

  • jon

    There is something about watching the Paris Hilton video and listening to the song (which I now officially love btw) that feels OK compared to enduring the nonsense that is Ashlee Simpson and I think I’ve figured out what it is. The fact that Ms. Paris Hilton has an album and video solely because of the fact that she is rich and a Hilton makes the whole thing SO ridiculous that it kinda becomes funny and subversive in a way. My friends and I now think its cool to listen to her on the radio (we’re not paying for the song, are you crazy), while making fun of her and doing all of her manufactured poses and air kisses. It doesn’t hurt that the song is pure cotton candy either… I’ll take Paris over Jessica’s wicked little sister anyday…

  • Cliff

    Eh. It’s not terrible, even though I would LOVE for it it be terrible. She sounds about midway between Jewel and Britney. Seriously boring video though. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone since the start of MTV be so awkwardly unsexy on camera, including early Jessica Simpson. Weird, porn stars are usually good at faking that sort of thing.

  • Jay

    Oh Please…Paris is trash wrapped in a bow. Sorry Girl…Just Grow up already, you’re almost 30.

  • Tyler D

    Glad people are noticing the re-hashed concepts of the video. “Cherish” meets “Wicked Game” is a pretty good way to describe it, as is the whole “Blondie” meets “Gwen Stefani” description of the song itself. Of course, the song isn’t nearly half as bad as the video.

  • maxpurr9

    it wasn’t horrible, but it started to make me feel ill half way through and i just had to turn it off; and the thought of watching it again, brings up that same sick in the pit of my stomach….

  • TsuKata

    Not only is the video pretty blah (and a rip-off of Madonna as others have noted), but the male actor looks like he could really give a rat’s arse less about Paris…awesome. :)

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