In this week’s Hit List, I took a cheap, too-easy swing at Paris Hilton’s new reggae single. (Be warned, worker bees: This link contains a stray nipple.) I’d like to repent for my crimes against comedy and Paris with the following close-reading of "Stars Are Blind."
Before we begin, let me admit: The song is catchy. Granted, I saw the sign 13 years ago — but Paris isn’t going to let any superficial similarities stop her. She’s not the kind of girl who gives up just like that. Oh nooooo!
On to the excerpted lyrics (in bold) with my commentary (bracketed):
Those other guys all want to take me for a ride
[all the no-comments in the world cannot no-comment enough here]
But when I walk it’s like a suicide
[encoded message to broker to buy Exxon/Mobil?]
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
[I totally hate you, Nicole]
But you can see the real me inside
[Only using night-vision]
And I’m satisfied.
[Just ask Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis]
Ho no
[self-explanatory]
CHORUS
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love, baby
I’ll show you mine
We can make it nice and naughty
With a devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul there, bubbe
Let’s see what this love can do
Maybe I’m perfect for you.
[Not sure about the devil/angel/bubbe transcription -- the song's polyurethane coating mashes Paris' elocution a bit. But I love the coquettish "show me real love... and I'll show you mine" device. It's brilliantly on message: In the Paris idiom, even true love is a club-bathroom hookup.]
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Oy! Far be it from me to underestimate Hilton's facility with Yiddish, but my ears hear that lyric as "Got a heart and soul and body," not "bubbe" -- but you're doing a great job, Brownie!]
So what do we think, assembled music consumers? Will this thing go viral? Or is everyone, as we speak, buying their iPod a season’s supply of Valtrex?
Comments (1-30) of 70
Now if my music history is correct, 70’s porn star Andrea True’s voice was remixed, spliced, and altered in a music studio because in real life she could not sing a note. I can only imagine what was done in Paris’es case. Good lord! I cannot believe that the industry will pull this type of trick again just because Paris is loaded. Hello? “Milli Vanilli” anyone?
This song is boring, and horrible. She even pulls out her baby voice at the end. Ech! I think that is her singing…if they hired someone to do the vocals for her, they’d be better!
Oh jeez. You guys are wasting time on this and not mentioning that Everwood’s 2-hour series finale is tonight at 8 p.m.? Puhlease.
Is there actually a human singing there or an auto-tuner? It still sounds like crap though.
Unfortunately, I heard STARS ARE BLIND last Friday on Z100. Paris was being interviewed via phone and she introduced the single. Oh…my…God! Who told her she can sing?
Oh, no!!! Z100 is playing it again as I type! Someone please make it stop! Must…change…station!!
At this rate, I’ll take Andrea True’s MORE, MORE, MORE over STARS ARE BLIND. At least MORE, MORE, MORE is catchy and fun. STARS ARE BLIND is hazardous to one’s ears.
Heard the song this morning on the radio – what a shock Z100 – and it will be the Milli Vanilli scandal of 2006. I want to know how she got Gwen to sing the song for her?I would love to see her sing live – oh wait – thats what lip synching is for.
Wow. A more convincing ad for the wonders of protools has never been made.
I don’t think she sounds like Gwen Stefani…I think she sounds like someone who is trying really hard to sound like Gwen Stefani and failing miserably. I hope this song goes away fast! I am planning to boycott and protest any radio station that plays it!
Are you serious!? This is real? The record industry has reached a new low.
No, scratch that. Paris is apparently just the second coming of Ashlee Simpson. I’m betting that she’ll have an Ashlee-esque lip-synching flub in no time, since her ego is too big to avoid live shows.
The only good thing that’ll come out of Paris’ singing career is all the jokes that are going to be hurled her way. And I’ll laugh at them all.
Also, comparing Paris to Gwen Stefani, even if Gwen’s solo stuff is a bit odd… is just so wrong. So wrong. Poor Gwen.
Well, that was 3:58 I could have spent doing something better.
Like listening to Michael Bolton’s duet with Nicolette.
OK, it’s “The Sign” by way of “The Tide is High,” but could it be any more generic sounding?
I think my ears are bleeding
In her latest SIMPLE LIFE, is this the one she tries to blend in in a Kubbutz?
I think that I stopped listening to Gwen when she quit signing punk-ska. I am telling you that Madness, The Specials, Rancid, and The English Beat are all pointing fingers and snickering. She should stick to her roots even if she is not really blonde.
“Stars are Blind” and I wish my ears were deaf.
The ONLY thing Paris Hilton has going for her is her T & A :nothing more.
This woman is a miserable, no-talent, media whore.
When there are so many talented singer/songwriter/musicians in the world today – many of whom would give a body part up just to be noticed – why o WHY do we give any attention to this slut for the ages???
Shame on you, EW, for even bringing this godawful song to our attention.
Granted this song’s release is so close to the date of June 6, 2006 (6/6/06) I can’t help but wonder if there is a correlation…
Paris Hilton must be a minion of Satan himself!
Oh my, This just once again proves that white people are ruining the music industry. Any to bit white chic with a cute face can get a music career and hit it big, Just think of all the tired no singing ability white chics have record contracts and top of the chart albums and singles…
1.Lindsey Lohan
2.Hillary Duff
3.Ashlee Simpson
4.The now defunct britney spears, granted she was a great dancer.
5.Paris Hilton
It so unfair that cute white women get to ruin the music industry. But I blame the conumers who purchase there tired music just as much as I blame them.
Thank God for women like Beyonce and Christina A., who im choosing to consider a latina so i can keep her name away from the horrid caucasoid singers.
I bet this song will go to number 1 on the charts and all the white people will rejoice in the streets.
No, no, no, no! This is horrible. I pray that I do not have to hear this repeatedly on the radio.
Hey, does William Hung have a patent on embarrasingly horrible singing from a somewhat autistic, mind blind attention hound?
‘Cause if he do, his lawyer might wanna step on up to the Hilton money trough.
Shoot me for saying this, but it is kinda catchy. If someone like Kelly Clarkson made this, I’m sure it’d be a huge hit.
However, Paris is still awful.
The only place on this website that acknowledges the series finale of Everwood is site searches. And we are talking about this no-talent piece of —-. C’mon guys, get with it.
Because of Paris Hilton, the stars are not only blind, but deaf.
Yet another example on the side of the argument that states that rich white people should be sterilized.
The stars are blind so that they don’t have to look at Paris skanky bony a$$.
Who in their right mind thinks this is Gwen???!!??? Come on…. I know Gwen’s solo cd is not on the same level as it was when she was in No Doubt, but girl can still sing. That song is like a friday night at some local karaoke bar with a drunk ass skank trying to sound like Gwen. It’s like listening to JLo all over again, but, shrudder, JLo has a better voice.
Dmac:
Can you actually picture Gabrielle Union cutting an album? While she is a decent actress I think that she is smart enough not to go the Lohan/Duff/J Lo route. On the other hand what does that say about singers who have turned into actresses, ie Beyonce Knowles?
How does Paris Hilton keep getting all of this publicity? And look at me contributing! I’m so ashamed.
When I hear a voice and a track this bad I can only think of the millions of undiscovered voices and talent we have in this world and the injustice of it all. Sigh.
I wanted to hate it, I really did. But it’s not all that bad. You all know you liked it too.
I have to agree with Diggity…I went into this thinking I’d totally hate it. It honestly isn’t THAT bad. I wouldn’t compare it to AoB (that’s a sin in its own right), but it has a nice hook.
she holds that mic a little to good (if you know what i mean) I hate hos
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