'Housewives': Help the writers plan season 3

154154__jdenton02_l[Warning: If you — gasp! — let your social life (or Sopranos addiction) get in the way of watching Desperate Housewives‘ season finale last night, you might want to skip this spoiler-filled item.]

Yes, PopWatchers, I’m one of those Crank E. McCrankypants who felt let down by Desperate Housewives‘ inconsistent second season. Yet aside from the crazy-rushed conclusion to the Applewhites’ saga (somewhere, Alfre Woodard is sticking pins in her Marc Cherry voodoo doll — and with good reason), the show’s last five or six episodes suggested a welcome return to form — and planted the seeds for a far more interesting third season. Still, why leave it to the show’s writers to return Housewives to must-see status all on their own, when we can make our own pushy random brilliant storyline suggestions? I’m not going to delve into whether or not Mike Delfino should live or die after getting mowed down by creepy Kyle MacLachlan (since James Denton, pictured, seems to have already spoiled that) or whether Tom’s story about his pre-Lynette affair and child are completely trustworthy (since Mr. Cherry has already weighed in on the subject). Instead, I’ll offer two other possibilities:

1. Bring back Felicia Tilman. Don’t keep her cloistered away in that mountain cabin for too long. Sure, she’s seems to have exacted revenge against Paul Young for murdering Mrs. Huber, but since Felicia was never a huge fan of her sister in the first place, I always felt her elaborate schemes to torment Paul were always more for her own amusement. Why not pit her against Housewives‘ other underutilized bad girl, Edie Britt, in a season-long game of Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote?

2. No matter how Bree’s romantic fortunes play out in season 3, make sure her son Andrew returns as her No. 1 foil. Marcia Cross and Shawn Pyfrom have such deliciously dark chemistry, I’d tune in to Yo Momma if they dropped in for a guest appearance. But, please, keep Wilmer Valderrama away from Wisteria Lane.

Okay, that’s my 13 cents: What would you like to see on Housewives in the fall?

addCredit(“James Denton: RON TOM/ABC”)

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  • Sean

    I dunno… just because Mike “features more prominently” in the season three storyline doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s gonna pull through. Maybe it will be all about “Who Killed Mike (and Why)?”

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    Tom’s one night stand is actually a decoy for Tom’s real mistress. When Tom found out that Lynette left him, he told a rude Atlantic City waitress who is also his mistresses sister that he will pay her thirty grand to play the role of the woman from his past but the only way that she was going to get it was to convince Lynette that she was his one night stand. Her sister, Tom’s mistress bought the house with her own money and now Tom and the mistress can do the “McFreaky” without Tom having to go to Atlantic City thus Lynette can’t bust him again. The eleven year old daughter either does not exist or is the mistresses or the sisters child and Tom is really not the paternal father. On top of that, the loopy sister has a thing for Tom and black males him by threatening to tell Lynette unless she gets some Scovo action too.

  • Skyler

    I have a storyline: Edie gets used in a plot

  • Peggy

    Heather Locklear joins the cast as a tough as nails detective investigating Mike’s accident. After spending time in the neighboorhood, she and her “life partner” buy the Applewhite house. They want a normal life, just like any other couple. Everyone is fine with their lifestyle except (surprisingly) Edie. She may be a tramp, but sex should be between a man & woman….period. This makes for some interesting friction, and hopefully, enlightenment on both sides.
    Bree needs to get back to the domestic Godess she was. Her character this season was all over the map. Interestingly, Mike finds the normal, domesticated Bree enchanting. They form a bond after Mike hires Andrew as his apprentice, and soon becomes his mentor. Of course, Susan now has to compete with Bree for Mike’s affection. Drop the Tom’s “love child” storyline. Reveal it was a scam, after Lynette demands to see the birth certificate. However, the “one night stand” develops a “Fatal Attraction” to Tom, who has landed a great job. Lynette is back at home, however, money problems crop up, as she & Tom have put her Mother in an exclusive “retirement community”. She secretly gets a home based “sex operator” job. She’s repulsed by the work, but the money is good. However, one “client” peaks her interest with his fantasies, and after numerous phone sessions, they decide to meet in person. Will they act out their fantasies for real? Hmmmmm….
    Gaby & Carlos? Does anyone still care?

  • jeremy

    zack could become julie’s sugar daddy!

  • AL

    Mike is in a coma and touch and go for awhile while Susan keeps a vigil by his bedside. Then he awakens and is determined to find his homicidal enemy. The engagement has to be strung along further into the season because that is what the producers think is tension between Susan and Mike and that plot (eye roll here)
    Tom has other secrets up his sleeve.
    I don’t care one whit about Edie.

  • Ian

    SHOWGIRLS REUNION. They’ve already got Kyle MacLachlan, so throw Gina Gershon in there as Gaby’s diva nemesis from modeling school and Elizabeth Berkeley can be…Susan’s new poodle.

  • Ed

    Michael, l-l-love you!
    I think that Mike is going to have amnesia which will prolong the whole Susan and Mike relationship. The thing is, I really don’t care too much whether they get together or not. Too bad that one doctor guy that she was dateing left for another show – now he was HOT HOT HOT!
    Either way, season 3 better be a lot better than season 2!

  • diana

    will someone please find tom calabro from melrose place,
    find out that bree is actually kimberly and in a cruel but delicious scene, have her rip off her wig to reveal that hideous scar and throw her in the loony bin where her doctor is…………..???????????

  • dave

    Lets call season 3 the “marcia cross needs an emmy” season.” cut out all this melrose place bullshit. seriously – this woman has been through too much. first her husband is murdered by her pharmacist, who she then dates, who then pushes her therapist over a bridge. then she watches as her pharmacist (and now boyfriend) kills himself. while mourning her dead husband, she has to deal with her crazy mother-in-law. meanwhile her son comes out of the closet after killing gabriel’s mother-in-law with his car, and after a brief stint at boarding school, he throws himself into a “i want revenge on my mother for making my life so miserable” plotline, where he sues her, pretends to be abused, and even involves her father and step-mother. all of this leads to bree becoming an alcoholic (obviously), and in AA she falls for a sexaholic who eventually sleeps with her gay son who she then abandons on the side of the road. oh yeah, then her daughter, who’s dating a murderous black man, runs away, forcing bree into a psych ward, which she is forced to escape from (because no one believes she isn’t crazy (tragic forshadowing)) only to save her daughter at the last minute from the murderous black man then is shot right in front of her. whew!
    marcia cross needs believable material. she needs lynette material. she needs to get her life back in order. get her kids back in order. and she needs to learn what it’s like to be single – to stand on her own two feet, without the support of some crazy psycho man (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T DATE KYLE MCLAUGHLIN – PLEASE). and then, she needs to go through the “i can’t believe my kids are all grown up” phase, as she struggles to get a grip on the fact that andrew is now in college and her daughter is pregnant or something like that. show me the episode where bree, the loving mother, finally realizes that she’s proud of andrew, and then goes home to hug her daughter and her granddaughter (this is where her daughter cries “i love you mom”) and i’ll be one happy homo.
    and the emmy goes to… marcia cross!

  • bill

    Every synopsis of the episode prior to airing indicated that one of the housewives was pregnant. TV Guide Online even had a quiz about it and then…no pregnancy. What happened?

  • diana

    sorry, dave, one of the executive producers from housewives was one of the executive producers from melrose, as are two of the stars, including marcia cross, who DOES deserve an emmy, i agree, but the parallels are there and undeniable. i stand by my comment.

  • Allison

    As much as I adore Alfre Woodard her character was not well thought out and underused so I won’t miss the Applewhite’s or their story. On the other hand making Felicia Tilman a permanent resident of Wisteria Lane is a delicious idea, if for no other reason than to showcase the brilliant Harriet Sansom Harris on a weekly basis.

  • Stephanie Travitsky

    Tom has an 11 year old child- with the prissy ex girlfriend of Tom’s from the advertising agency Lynette and Tom both worked at,and the woman Lynette thought Tom was having an affair with which led to Lynette sticking her nose into his affairs thus Tom decides to quit the agency. Remember before Lynette worked at the agency, Tom and the woman were hot-cha-cha to the point where they were going to get married. What if thier love afair spawned a child and she told him when she worked at the agency again. The two secretly kept in touch had another love affair, which would explain the sexy nightie and the wine. And the over acting neurotic woman is the ladies sister who will blackmail Tom?
    Sting shows up in the hospital, bumps into Kyle and we have a “Dune” reunion, and Mario Lopez shows up with Elizabeth Berkley and there is a “Saved by the Bell/Saved by the Bell the College Years” cat fight with Kirsten Warren, Tom’s so called ex and AC Slaters ex and Jessie Spano (Kidding). I also heard that Laura Dern passed on the ex part, too bad because Kyle plus Laura = “Blue Velvet” ala David Lynch reunion.

  • greg

    I wanted Andrew to be redeemable, but he isn’t. If he comes back at all it shouldn’t be until the very end of season 3, if not season 4.

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