Now, I’m not even a gal, and the words "pet odor and breath products" get me all a-quiver. What chance, then, will the ladies of The Bachelor have against the charms of Prince Lorenzo Borghese, the latest man-prize to stem the rose for ABC?
Yes, he’s a prince. It’s not just his name. I don’t know much about Italian royalty, but I do know his surname sounds delicious. I want to eat it with some fava beans and nice Chianti. But that might be because I’ve consumed nothing all day except a handful of dry-roasted peanuts and the Little Man trailer.
Anyway, the guy makes pet cosmetics. I guess someone has to do it. Pets aren’t just going to stop tarting themselves up like little furry streetwalkers, no matter how many times you tell them they’re pretty "just the way they are." So he’s meeting a need, filling a niche. That’s great. It’ll make a great "third date" story. First date? Stick to the royalty angle and don’t get into details. That’s what I do, except I’m lying about the royalty part. (I did once convince this British girl I was the son of "the tire king of North Carolina.")
What do we think, folks? Is he sufficiently dreamy? Is a fortune built on dog mascara a turnoff? Is The Bachelor a creepy, regressive fertility rite? Give me your answers, do!