So today’s special guest on The View is Oprah Winfrey (pictured). With the rumor mill saying that incoming panelist Rosie O’Donnell wants current co-host Star Jones off the show, and that Oprah’s closest pal, Gayle King, might be in the running to take over Jones’ seat, we’re hotly anticipating the scene. So much so, in fact, that we’ve composed our dream script, you know, just in case these powerful daytime divas need a little inspiration:
MEREDITH VIEIRA, STAR JONES REYNOLDS, ELISABETH HASSELBECK, JOY BEHAR, and BARBARA WALTERS sit around The View‘s ”Hot Topics” table as the show returns from commerical break.
MEREDITH: OK, let’s put a pin in that discussion of locker-room nudity so we can bring out a very exciting special guest! Ladies and gentlemen, Oprah Winfrey!
THE AUDIENCE cheers. OPRAH emerges from the wings and stands behind STAR’s chair.
OPRAH: Hello ladies!
THE LADIES (reverently): Hello, Oprah.
OPRAH (beaming as she addresses the audience): Okay, people, you know what we all love, right?
STAR (hopefully): The 2007 Mercedes Benz SL 600 Roadster?
OPRAH (looking surprised): Star, how did you possibly guess?
STAR: Wait! Really? What?
OPRAH: Well, Star, you know how much I like to shower my pals withgifts. I was going to wait until the end of the show, but you might aswell head out to the parking lot and get your… New! Mercedes!Roaaaad-sterrr!
THE AUDIENCE goes wild. STAR claps her hands and squeals.
OPRAH: Well, what are you waiting for, Star? It’s right outside.
STAR: Okay, okay. You don’t have to tell me twice.
STAR scampers for the exit.
OPRAH (looking at BARBARA): Well, that was easy.
JOY: Honey, you should’ve saved your money. She’d run a long mile for a free pair of Payless.
MEREDITH: True dat.
OPRAH raises an eyebrow, shakes it off, then continues.
OPRAH: Anyway, people, the real reason I came today is because We!Love! Changes! And that’s the reason I brought along my best friendGayle King, who’ll be replacing one of The View‘s panelists starting today!
OPRAH begins pumping her fist. GAYLE emerges smiling from the wings.ELISABETH buries her face in her hands and begins to weep softly.Ignoring her, OPRAH pulls STAR’s chair out from the table and holds itfor GAYLE.
OPRAH: There you have it! Your New! View! Panelist! Gaaaaaaayle Kiiiiing!
GAYLE takes a seat in STAR’s chair, and shakes hands with MEREDITH and a pleased-looking BARBARA. ThE AUDIENCE cheers wildly.
ELISABETH (looking up): So, my job’s still safe?
OPRAH: Who is this girl?
BARBARA (befuddled): I have no idea.
That’s a funny scenario! I just might watch today to see if it really happens!
i love the view in a really unhealthy way. and i love oprah in a really healthy way. so this combination makes me overwhelmingly joyous.
I know that Star is a real “DIVA”, and hard to take some of the time, but at least she is interesting Gail King is a joke. If she were not Oprah’s friend people wouldn’t even know who she was.
I think Star Jones needs to go. She is so full of herself and has no right to be. From what i have seen of Gayle King reporting on the Oprah show she seems really knowledgable and would bring way more intelligence to the show than STAR JONES could ever hope to bring.
No one knew who Star Jones was at all until she was on The View (and by “no one,” I mean “me”–maybe other people did), so it doesn’t really matter how we know who Gayle King is, does it? She has to be less annoying than Star.
Michael, l-l-l-loved your rendition of The “O”!
Either way, The View is officially over now that Merideth is leaving. The only replaceable one is Elisabeth the “hostbot”. It’s funny because when she talks, I wish I was in the middle to give Merideth “the look”; that translates to, what is she talking about?
Ed
Slezak: I’m lovin’ it. Although nothing tops the Alias script.
Very well done, I love the “true dat” part with Oprah recognizing and then shaking off.
Very well written.
You’re crazy funny.
I need a writing partner for a new show in NYC, you interested? You are too funny.
Loves it. But why is Joy so quiet?
LMAO! – this had me in hysterics at work. Thanks for my afternoon laugh – witty and creative – GET IT SLEZAK!
OMG!! That was way too funny to be read at work, I think my co-workers possibly thought I was having convulsions, since I was trying very hard to hold back the laughter. You rock!!
EW, YOU bought into the “Star is leaving & Gayle is joining” rumor? Do you really think BW is gonna let Star go? People love to hate Star, and with the big R coming, its ratings gold!
Gayle has a news background, certainly not as legitimate as Meredith’s was, but has at least been a newsreader for some time. As Rosie clearly is not capable of filling Meredith’s shoes on that front, the Gayle rumor should perhaps be given some serious thought by Barbara. As Meredith was brought in originally to do the real news when Barbara was not there, Gayle would be a logical choice.
I’m sorry, that was so poorly written and cheezy. Meredith saying “True dat,” sounds like a script written by a jr. high school student.
“Who is that girl?” She was on Survivor! Show some respect….