David Blaine (pictured), currently preparing to drown in tank outside of Lincoln Center, appears to be shriveling.
What will be left to drown tonight? SPOILER ALERT! Probably something about the size of a California raisin. Blaine will then be harvested, placed in a box with lesser-known pruned magicians, and sold at a local deli for $1.45. He will make his progress through the gastrointestinal system of young Timmy Weigert of Tenafly, N.J. He will be broken down and eventually returned to the earth, as nutrients. These nutrients will be eaten by a baleen whale, which will be renamed a Blaine Whale, in the magician’s memory. The whale will go on talk shows and release a cookbook. Eventually, it will be forgotten, and die alone in a big house in the Hollywood Hills, surrounded by sycophants and suckerfish, wistfully reminiscing about the she-whale it abandoned (with calf) back in the Atlantic — the only she-whale who ever really loved him. The whale will go to the kitchen (this is hard for a whale, the doors are small) and turn on the gas. As quietly as he came, the whale will leave this world. At that moment, David Blaine will pop out and yell, "Ta-da!"
But, by then, will America still care?
Please, David Blaine: Don’t drown yourself.
Comments (1-27) of 27 Add your comment
somepne please fired scott brown. that was the dumbest piece of writing ever!! if that was an attempt at humor, try again.
A trick, nothing but a TRICK. Don’t medical science say that the brain cells start to die after about 4 minutes without oxigen?……………Rotten Ron
Kudos to you, Scott Brown! I don’t care about David Blaine. I never have and probably never will, but for a few magical moments, you made me care (just a little) about the fate of the whale who is destined to eat him. And as bizarre and twisted as it was, I loved it. Thank you!
That’s right, is “holding your breath magic”? Not really. I’m not interested in this guy. I’m more interested in why the guy I gave my number to at the club over the weekend hasn’t called me yet.
oh, that was hysterical, the whale… so adorable… I will never look at a whale again and not be able to think of the Blaine Whale. but, and I hate to be cruel, I won’t be watching this… (but will probably attempt it in the bathtub at some point) however, I look forward to tommorrow, when I sign on line and read…”magician drowns in boring stunt.”
No, holding your breath is not magic I don’t care how long you do it. He’s no longer a magician he’s a stunt man and for no reason. Why are so many celebs going wacko on me. When I go down the list of people I used to like but now have either partially or completely lost my respect it’s startling….Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Rosie O’Donnell… Tom Cruise I still like but he’s making it hard and Mel Gibson at least focuses his crazy energy on his films although I don’t know if I’m interested in actually meeting him in person.
Did someone steal his deck of cards? His two tv specials w/ sleight of hand & floating were amazing. These endurance stunts hold absolutely no interest. If he wants publicity, challenge Chriss Angel (sp?) to an unedited tit-for-tat magic trick battle in front of a pulled -off- the – street audience.
I read that he will breathe pure oxygen before his nine-minute “record breaking” descent. The record for breath holding after breathing pure oxygen is supposedly upwards of fifteen minutes.
Shrinkage is a byatch.
“I’can’t believe we are being entertained by a trickless magician.”
I liked David Blaine in the past becasuse he had some really good tricks but now I feel he’s turned into a stunt man more than anything. I’II watch a least of it but have a feeling he won’t make it to 9 minutes, it’s just not possible. Good luck to him anyway.
Is holding your breath magic? No. No it isn’t. As others pointed out below, Blaine is not a magician but a stunt man who does boring endurance stunts. The most entertaining part of this whole thing is Scott Brown’s hilarious little write-up here. I will definitely not be watching tonight.
We can only hope he swallows a large amount of water and shuffles off this mortal coil. TWAAAAA!!!
The real question is; how much will a signed copy of the cookbook go for on ebay? And how does a whale hold a pen?
Did I miss the memo.. I mean is being submerged in water for a number of days magic? I mean wouldnt it be magic if he say… Did it without an oxygen tank? I mean the fact that he is breathing through an oxygen tank doesnt seem like any form of magic im aware of. But then again im no magic historian. And he keeps saying that he will either break a world record or “die”. I mean this definately isnt magic. I mean he isnt doing thinks in the classic sense, say having been tied up with chains, and put in a box, and then hold his breath.. Its stupido! I will not tune in to see this idiot attempt suicide. And no wonder TV shows have been so crazy. When ABC gives a time slot to stupidity like this..
I want to see levitation, elephants being moved into trees, card tricks, beautiful women being choped in 3 and then sewn back together.. That is MAGIC!
But if he does die.. that will be one hell of a trick
This guy is the least interesting person in the world. Holding your breath isn’t magic–it’s stupid.
Well, he failed!
No, it’s not magic. It’s a stunt.
St. Pete Times guy ripped him a good one at this site.
I think you all need to take a good look into the mirror before you even speak. David Blaine is someone who can do things that I’m sure all of you cannot. There is no such thing as magic anyways, what are you all just a bunch of Harry Potter freaks. David does the unexplainable. If it was magic it could easily be explained. The man held is breath in water for over 7 minutes, after being in water for a week. I think David Blaine is an amazing performer.
This guy is like the Andy Kaufman of magician’s. Has the ability to entertain in a positive manner but chooses to make crowd’s go WTF? and make restless onlookers either toss eggs or demand that his head be placed upon a stick and his body be donated to the good of humanity? Por Que porfavor?
Am I the only human that sees the deeper truth in what David is doing? How sad 99% of you people and most humans are truly blind.
What he’s doing is far deeper than magic and illusions. Its REAL. Is there no one other than myself who knows this? For those of you knocking him, it just shows how either incredibly ignorant or frightened of him you are. David is beyond this dimension and he’s mocking how weak your little brains are.
there’s no deeper truth.. you are the ignorant cultist that thinks you ‘get’ him.. maybe if i had a bajillion dollars and could try whatever I wanted I’d hold my breath WITHOUT THINKING TWICE!! twaaaa… So I may be a jerk, but anyway, go watch his south park episode before you give your life for him..
see thise one
ok byeeeeeeeeee
What david is doing is extra ordinary either you guys say it is magic,illusion or stunt.But i guess he has gained some immense power with Meditation(yoga)with which he can do so many different things what others can’t do.A man can’t be in Ice for even one day but he stood their for 7days after that he was rushed to the hospital and his expresions where simply saying that it was not magic but some extra ordinary POWER….
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I dont trust this guy…..He’s a evil cultist.
Dont you remember South-Parks magical revelations of him? he has a cult called “Blainology” and just like this stunt, he forces the world to accept his cult as a religion or else his followers will drown themselves. And even Jesus couldnt stop him so he had to enlist the help of his friends.
Beware Blain and his Blainology cult….he is a dark sorceror! (dramatic music)