Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal are getting married and having a baby, which inspired four punch lines in search of an actual story. To wit:
1. Luckily for them, the first anniversary is consonants.
2. Many haaapy returns!
3. Gyllenhaard! Yick — sounds like a Soviet sensual lubricant…
4. That kid is going to have a lot of As in its name.