In what is indisputably the Story That Keeps on Giving, respected Indian director T. Rajeevnath continues to insist that he intends to cast Paris Hilton (pictured) as Mother Teresa in an upcoming biopic. Says his computer matched her facial structure perfectly with the Albanian nun’s. (Really? Who says Indian technology is overtaking the West?) In fact, he says he’s scheduled a meeting with her at the end of the month.
In honor of this heavenly development, PopWatch presents some other wildly inappropriate inspired casting choices:
TOM CRUISE as… SIGMUND FREUD
This one comes courtesy the blogfather. And I have to admire the irony: Cruise has called psychoanalysis "Nazi science"; Freud would’ve called Cruise mein klein doofus, or "my little doofus." The stage is set for the most piquant actor-subject tension since Osama bin Laden played Tevye in a 10th grade production of Fiddler on the Roof.
CARROT TOP as… the REV. DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
Now hear me out! The bone structure matches — my computer says so! Also: This isn’t well known, but some of King’s best speeches were delivered using prop comedy. For example, just before the cameras flipped on for the "I Have a Dream" speech, he’s rumored to have warmed up the crowd with "the J. Edgar Hoover punching bag," which was, in fact, a punching bag wearing an ill-fitting sundress and a badge. Witnesses say the joke killed.
SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT as… PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN
No one else is capable of capturing the man’s gravity, his dignity, and his secret love of fart jokes.
Got other suggestions? I’m opening the floor.
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I hate this comment: “Really? Who says Indian technology is overtaking the West?” It just shows how Westerners always thinks of the East as some backwards place. While India as a whole may not be as advanced as America, a lot of technological developments are coming out of certain parts of this country.
Paul Mooney once mused about how the Mexican starred Brad Pitt, and the Last Samurai starred Tom Cruise. He then joked that Hollywood would one day release The Last Brother on Earth staring Tom Hanks.
While Bollywood is already overshadowing Hollywood in many ways, who would have thought overtaking us on poor casting choices would be their zenith?
G-d, this story’s so hot.
As for your second suggestion, well, there you’re just being glib.
This article is hilarious! While I don’t think I can beat the ones listed how about Pamela Anderson in the Rosa Parks Story? David Hasselhoff in the remake of Ghandi? I’m frightening myself with an unintentional Baywatch theme there. How about Nicole Richie in The Life and Times of Mama Cass?
How about Arnold Schwarzenegger as Romeo?
How about Madonna as Eleanor Roosevelt?
What say Chris Rock as Nathanial Bedford Forrest?
This guy must have no respect for Mother Teresa.
Let me just say this, and I am not really sure if anyone is prepared for it:
Anna Nicole Smith as Hillary Rodem-Clinton
or better yet
Tara Reid as Condoleezza Rice
We could team them up. It would be fantastic!
Samuel L. Jackson… IS … Jesus Christ!
“you’ll know which cross is mine when you see it. It’s that cross that says “bad mother f*cking savior” on it”
Don, you are a genius!
Horatio Sanz as Howard Taft.
So, Mother Teresa was an attention whore with a lazy eye and the fashion sense of an aging drag queen?
You know, if Paris Hilton ever did play Mother Teresa, the extremist Christians would be all up in arms. And for once, I’d be on their side!
Is this director making a bio-pic or a porno? If it’s the latter, then “Bravo!” Perfect casting.
Also, here are a few other suggestions:
Dave Chappelle as Adolf Hitler
Hulk Hogan as Miles Davis
Jenna Jameson as Janet Reno
Seth Green as Fidel Castro
John Stewart as Billy Graham
Mmmmmmmm, sacrilicous!
Samuel L. Jackson as Govenor George Wallace
Warren Beatty as Ronald Reagan
Lindsay Lohan as the Virgin Mary
Mo’Nique stars in “The Karen Carpenter Story”
or better yet,
Betty White in “The life and times of Paris Hilton”
Brevity is the Soul of Wit
With that in mind, I offer the following observations
Other than Sharon Stone, did any one actually think Basic Instinct 2 was a good idea? I have to admit I am so glad this movie failed, but I have to wonder what was said to the execs to convin…
George Clinton in his first starring roll as…Sam Donaldson..the tears will roll when you witness this gift to the big screen.
Vin Diesel: GHANDI !
Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa? Perfect! Whos next?
Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa? Perfect! Whos next?
…
Jess -
Quote: “You know, if Paris Hilton ever did play Mother Teresa, the extremist Christians would be all up in arms. And for once, I’d be on their side!”
AMEN!
She’ll pull that off as much as these other candidates:
Vanilla Ice as Eminem – The only time this former white boy rapper will be seen as a serious rapper is if he plays A REAL serious white rapper.
Former President Bill Clinton as current President G.W. Bush, Jr. – c’mon you KNOW you’d like to see that!
Hillary Clinton as President G.W. Bush, Jr. – enough said.
Nicole Ritchie as Condoleeza Rice – she’d have to gain a pound or two (a la Bridget Jones) but at least the teeth wouldn’t have to change…
Tom Cruise as Mr. Rogers – one cook for a friendlier one…
Katie Holmes as Sara Waters/Laura Burney – the role formerly played by Julia Roberts in “Sleeping With the Enemy” where the wife finally escapes and eventually kills her psycho husband…might teach Katie a thing or two…
Pamela Anderson as Bridget Jones – I’d pay good money to see dear Pammy feign a British accent…
A better title for Paris would be Mother Harlot.
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