Come on! Now we have to be jealous of... Wilmer Valderrama?!

161824__wilmer_lSome celebrities are bigger than life. Others are slightly bigger than 8 inches. Into this latter category falls Wilmer Valderrama (pictured), legendary conquistador and Best Supporting Stereotype on That ’70s Show. (FYI, Fez is also a multimillionaire, his show having landed a second round of syndication.)

Valderrama’s bedroom exploits have remained whispers until recently — after all, a gentleman does not kiss and tell. Unless a gentleman is booked on Howard Stern’s new Sirius radio show. Then a gentleman tells EVERYTHING. We’re talking amazing, amazing secrets! Secrets like these: Lindsay Lohan is good in bed. Jennifer Love Hewitt is good in bed. Mandy Moore is good in bed. Ashlee Simpson is loud in bed. In other words, things most of us had already either guessed, fantasized, or fan-fic-ed.

Wilmer didn’t really say any of his lucky ladies were bad in bed. Could this mean Wilmer, with a bedpost so notched it’s structurally unsound, might be — how do you say? — EASY? I don’t want to trot out the "s" word just yet; I’m merely saying  that he’ll jump into bed with any gorgeous, famous actress who walks into the VIP room. I’m sorry, but what happened to standards? (Go here for more details, if your pervy ways are not yet sated.)

Brace yourselves for a flurry of denials, retractions, and fits, all of which will provide you, reader, the opportunity to get titillated all over again. Thank you, Wilmer. Thank you for actually living the life we all kind of imagined you were living anyway. And thank you, in advance, for repopulating the planet in the event of a cataclysm.

addCredit(“Wilmer Valderrama: Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com”)

Comments (22 total) Add your comment
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  • Fatima

    What a disgusting, vile creature

  • Ep Sato

    If Wilmer is ignored he’ll totally go away and the hottie starlets will find someone new to make the rest of us envy.
    But the more we obsess and question his fame, the more we laugh at his distinction of being the uncool one on that 70’s show, we must realize that he too probably “gets it”. In fact, Wilmer’s probably checking out his sad sack resume on IMDB right now and wondering why his no talent Azz is still famous.
    So, like any B lister with decent looks and a taste for the honeys, he is getting milked for every last drop during his fifteen minutes…er, I mean he is milking his fifteen minutes for every last drop.

  • John

    Once That 70s Show goes off the air, Wilmer will be easily forgotten.

  • Jeremiah

    This is how Wilmer promotes his new MTV trash-talking show, by talking trash about his exes? Is this going to make the Stern fanboys tune in? ‘Oh yeah, I’m gonna watch Fez’s Yo Mamma now, just in case one of his celebriskanks shows up and has sex with him on MTV.’

  • Tim L

    Wow, of all the things I did not need to know in life, knowing his (fake) size is one of them.

  • Bob G.

    Wow–what a man-whore!!!
    Has he done anything besides That 70’s Show….and 3/4 of Hollywood’s young female performers?

  • Maeve

    What a f-ing pig. Any girl who dates him from now on is just trash.

  • Dru

    I bet the writers at Entourage will have fun with this.
    I’ve always suspected that Vince and Wilmer were the same person.

  • Tommy G.

    What would be truly entertaining is if Lindsay, Jennifer Love, Ashlee, Mandy, et al. all came out and said he’s LOUSY in bed. Then maybe this scuzball will join Paris Hilton in the “who cares?” bin.

  • loma

    um, I think the girls who dated him were already kinda trashy before this. C’mon, it’s *FEZ*!!!
    i’m just kind of in shock. I really did not need to read the gory details at 8:30 in the morning. 8 inches? Yeah, right. The grossest thing is that those girls are teenagers. Ugh, Wilmer is both ugly *and* low-class. What a combo!

  • Josh

    That’s nothing. Have you heard about Barbara Walter’s list in the I think unauthorized biography?

  • Josh

    I mean Barbra Streisand’s. The view is on in the background, oops :S

  • C

    What a dumbass. He’s not going to get any famous women now, unless they are complete sluts. No self respecting women would sleep with him after he aired his bedroom behavior like that. Anyone who sleeps with him now is either sick in love with him and doesn’t care, or WANTS him to tell others how she was in bed.

  • Rev. O.J. Flow

    I think the question now stands: Is HE actually good in bed? Hmmmm…

  • M

    who really gives a f*ck i don’t!! Theyre all easy wow a lot of celebrities sleep around its no big news i dont care if hes good or if they are and it does show how trashy he is for dishing it out hes sleazy and so are the girls he nailed. And i do find it disgusting that these older guys go after teens ( nick lachey ) makes me sick too

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