'The Bachelor': Let the makeout sessions begin!

133913__bachelor_lIf you’re going to win the game, it helps to have a strategy — even (or perhaps especially) when you’re one of the women desperately seeking an engagement ring from chiseled E.R. doctor Travis Stork on ABC’s fading reality franchise, The Bachelor: Paris. Here’s the adjectives I’d use to describe the battle plans being employed by the show’s six remaining Bachelorettes, and whether or not I think said tactics will prove effective:

EARNEST "Ohmigod, I completely agree with you!" enthused self-described ”smitten kitten” Susan, after Travis explained he’s the kind of guy who never wants to go through a divorce. Apparently, this is the kind of sentiment Travis finds ”deep,” not to mention attractive, as he planted the season’s first kiss on the aspiring actress. Whatever, buddy, it’s your party.

LUSTY For three episodes running, Sarah B., has been angling to get her Canadian tongue in Travis’ mouth, and on this week’s camping trip, she finally, um, tasted victory. Still, her poorly masked jealousy of the other women could prove the kiss of death.

ALOOF Did I mention Moana is my favorite Bachelorette ever? How can you not love the way her calculated ambivalence drives Travis wild, while driving her fellow competitors into a white-hot rage?

INDIGNANT
How come every season some sad-sack single starts kvetching that not everyone’s on the show for ”the right reasons”? Like Sarah S., for example, who seems more focused on hating Moana than falling in love with Travis. Check out her reaction to finding out Moana brought a cup of morning coffee to Travis’ bedroom: ”What a bitch! That might be the meanest thing she’s done this whole trip." I bet the parents of Sarah S.’s kindergarten class would agree.

DRUNK There’s no way Tara (pictured) is ever gonna get a ring, but God bless her cocktail-lovin’ heart for slurring ”Cheers to that!” as Travis removed his shirt and revealed a set of abs that had me regretting the dollop of sour cream I added to my turkey chili.

NONDESCRIPT Wait, there is a sixth chick still on this show, isn’t there?

So. PopWatchers, which Bachelorette’s game do you respect most (if at all)? And who do you think will ultimately win Travis’ heart?

Comments (22 total) Add your comment
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  • Deborah

    Why, why, why is this stupid show still on the air? I don’t understand at all.

  • djm

    I hate to admit that I tuned in last night to watch and was greeted with a one hour retrospective – and they haven’t even showed 3 episodes yet. It reminded me of what I hated about this show – it repeats every little detail over and over and over and over – which makes me realize how little content there truly is.
    Michael honey, do yourself a favor and stop watching this show. Put that dollup of sour cream on your turley chilli and eat up!!!

  • Jamal

    I HATE THIS SHOW!! ITS SO STUPID!! I TUNED INTO THE RERUN OF LAST NIGHT, AND I HATED IT!!

  • SF

    slezak, i think i lurve you. for some reason i picture george o’malley when i read your posts, and that’s hot!

  • sunny

    Travis was billed as “Our Best Bachelor E V E R ” ……..
    don’t think so, the guy is duller than dirt, has no other adjectives in his vocabulary than “awesome”. He’s got no sense of humor and barely shows any emotion. And these chicks are gettin all worked up over having one on one time with him? Which one stuck her tounge in his mouth and had it rejected? gag … And why are they always drunk??? Shameful.

  • dawn

    Michael, your descriptions are spot-on! This show is built around cliches, and this season doesn’t fail us in that area.
    I don’t have a favorite, but I am tired of Tara busting in on everyone’s private times with Travis. Yet he keeps picking her for a rose.

  • Nickynicknick

    ALL my galpals gave up on this show long ago. Yet like a carwreck, I can’t look away, but HATE myself for watching this show afterwards.
    It was supposed to be different in Paree! LOADS of culture there…museums/art/shows, ect. But nooo, these clueless producers film yet another episode of a Bachelor/girls in a hottub, boozing and stupid, pointless chatter. Ah Mon Dieu, c’est terrible! Cripes, why not just film the show in some guy’s basement rec room then!!

  • Michelle

    Michael, please don’t stop watching or doing write-ups! If you do, I will feel so alone in my shame for continuing to watch. I don’t know why I do, but I can’t stop — definitely the train wreck factor…

  • AA

    I have to agree with all the other commentaries. Although the Bachelor is a cheesy show that highlights women at their worst, we can’t stop watching it. What does that say about us?

  • Kat

    Where is Jesse Palmer when you need him? “The Bachelor” has never been quality television, but that was a phenomenal season.

  • jon

    Upon witnessing “Travis” and his assorted beauties dance Tupac-style on the deck of this boat, I lost my lunch… and dinner… and today’s breakfast… stop the insanity

  • Meredith

    The best thing about this show is making fun of it. My roommate and I used to always imitate Chris Harrison and his comments/previews for later episodes, “COMING UPPP, in the MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY TO DATE: Who will break down? Who will break up? And who will be left broken hearted?! Ahh such a guilty pleasure.

  • Shana

    I think its interesting that none of the women are bright enough to recognize that MOana just doesn’t want to share every thought she is having, strategy, true emotion or otherwise, with her competitors. She just doesn’t kiss and tell! She has every right to keep her motivations and thoughts to herself. Its very self-protective of her to not tell the girls if she’s falling fr him or any of the other inane questions they ask her. Its none of their business! It also makes for good TV. Smirk.

  • Brookline

    Yes, I agree. Travis Stork has no sense of humor. If he did, he would be an obstetrician.

  • GoddessLu

    I agree with so many that I’m ashamed and yet I still watch…Tennessee Sarah kept asking the same question of Moana (something like “What are your feelings towards him” to paraphrase). Wouldn’t she be the world’s biggest idiot for telling those feelings? Why do these sorority sisters think ANYONE should tell? This isn’t supposed to be Bitch Camp, it’s a competition. The right reasons for being there? PUHLEASE. There ARE no right reasons. See you next Tuesday (and I mean that literally not the OTHER way).

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