The latest issue of Empire, the British movie magazine, has a list of the Worst Sex Scenes of All Time. Elizabeth Berkley’s flop-like-a-fish swimming pool tryst with Kyle MacLachlan in Showgirls gets top (dis)honors. ”It’s supposed to be the best sex in the world but, as Berkley thrashes around in the water, it looks more like the first ten minutes of Jaws,” the magazine explains. (By the way, starting Oct. 15, New Yorkers can see Showgirls re-enacted by sock puppets. Sock Puppet Showgirls creator John Shaterian tells New York magazine that the scene singled out by Empire is the puppet show’s highlight, though he admits, ”It’s close to impossible to mimic pool sex — especially with socks.”)
No. 2 on Empire’s list is Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche’s painful-looking, head-banging-on-the-floor scene in Damage, followed by Heather Graham and Joseph Fiennes in the little-seen Killing Me Softly, Madonna and Willem Dafoe in Body of Evidence, and anything with Kathleen Turner in Crimes of Passion.
Agree? Disagree? Which movie sex scenes make you go ”Eww!” instead of ”Ooh”?
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Tom and Nicole in Eyes Wide Shut. Not only bad, but not very convincing, especially since they were married at the time.
Personally, Empire magazine has gained a lot of faith from me for putting Neo and Trinity’s rave-tastic go-around in the top ten.
Now, bad sex scenes, bad sex scenes, let me see here… Bride of Chucky’s dirty deed by dolls was dirt cheap (I never wanna see horror movie monsters get it on; another one is Freddy Kruger and the dead bimbo during Jason’s nightmare in Freddy Vs. Jason). Though I’ve never seen it, I remember reading Jerry Springer had a laugh-out-loud sex scene in Ringmaster, but I guess that’s a no-brainer. Then there’s Tom Green and his, um, horse-pleasing in Freddy Got Fingered. As for Orgazmo, I got just one thing to say: T-Rex.
I think my top prize goes to any sex scene with Fred Ward in Henry & June. I’m gonna go throw up now.
I always found Rob Lowe & Demi Moore’s scenes in About Last Night… to be kind of jarring and uncomfortable.
Something just didn’t feel right in Monster’s Ball. I was uncomfortable the whole time.
The three-some in “Wild Things” was pretty lame. It looked like Denise Richards and Neve Campbell were in the World Finals of a Staring Contest. The whole scene was ridiculous.
I’d have to agree that Tom & Nicole in Eyes Wide Shut wallowed in lameness. But the worst has to be Cindy Crawford and One-of-the-Baldwins in Fair Game. I mean, I love Cindy and all, but is that the best she could do?
The sex scene in “I <3 Huckabees" was really wierd. But I think it was intentionally made that way, so who knows.
Michael Douglas and Glenn Close gettin’ it on in the kitchen sink in Fatal Attraction. Yuck! And Harvey Keitel in any scene in Bad Lieutenant that involved sex.
among the most distasteful sexscenes ever filmed include: marlon brando and maria schell in last tango in paris (stick of butter, anyone?); ryan philippe pretending to be into his sister in cruel intentions; michael douglas and just about anyone in any movie he’s ever made (does he still deny he’s had a facelift? he can’t lift his eyebrows!); and regrettably, gwenyth paltow and jospeh fienes in shakespeare in love:i thought i was watching someone undress the mummy
Monster’s Ball – all the sex scenes, but especially the dreadful one with Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton on the floor. How she won a best actress oscar for that role, I don’t know.
Well, howzabout any rape scene that gets sexualized? You have a laundry list to pick from there. . .
I’ll agree with the Monster’s Ball comment. No sex scene should EVER involve Billy Bob Thornton! Also, the sex scene w/ Michael Douglas and Demi Moore in Disclosure. For one of the best sex scenes ever, I say Team America takes the cake.
Does anyone eat ham?
Does anyone eat ham?
Hi Everyone.
How about Leah Thompson on Howard the Duck? Gross! Or anything in “The Crying Game”
Actually I think that sex scenes on films have more to do with what producers want to see. Let’s face it, we live during an era of exploitation and humiliation. Producers care less about the quality of content, they crave ratings. Money is tight, actors and actresses say “show me the money” and totally shut down personal feelings when it comes to the reality of the situation.
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God, hands down the worst sex scene has to be the flash-back rape scene in “The Prince of Tides”. Makes me cringe…
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