The cast of Survivor: Guatemala has been announced (now whiter than ever! and with more hot chicks!), and while it’s hard to make judgments about the 16 contestants based solely on their photographs and mini-bios, has that ever stopped us before?
Brian and Rafe (green tank top and burgundy polo, respectively): These two are clearly the only smart ones in the bunch — since they both listed Entertainment Weekly among their favorite magazines.
Judd (blue hat): Definitely the annoying dude — you can tell by the way he puts his shades on his backward baseball cap, a’ight?
Danni (red T-shirt, flat stomach): There’s got to be at least one Jerri Manthey-esque she-beast in the mix, and our money’s on sports radio talk host Danni, on account of her full lips and addiction to Blue Diamond salted almonds.
Lydia (pink shirt, Daisy Duke knot): Diminutive piña colada-swilling fishmonger
Brianna (green, um, top): By virtue of listing The Surreal Life among her favorite programs, she already seems to be fishing for future TV opportunities.
Jim (old guy, white hat): So who’s going home first? Well that’s easy. In a group that looks like they just dropped in from Paradise Hotel, the comparatively ancient retired fire captain, with his love of cold-rolled Irish oatmeal, ought to be back to his copies of National Geographic and his light-jazz LPs sooner than he’d imagined.
What’s your take on the new group of castaways? Any early predictions as to who’ll be the sole Survivor?