Vroom! Reviewing the reviews of 'Dukes of Hazzard'

12559__dukes_lOne newspaper critic wrote of The Dukes of Hazzard that ”you can feel yourself getting stupider” while you watch the new movie. Maybe that explains the generally uninspired headlines topping many of this weekend’s reviews of the film:

‘Hazzard’ pay:
Arizona Daily Star: ‘Dukes’ hazardous to your IQ
Cleveland Sun: ‘Hazzard’-ous condition
St. Paul Pioneer Press: Hazzard play
South Florida Sun-Sentinel: How bad? Hazzard a guess

Whistling Dixie:
New York Post: Southern Comfort
Philadelphia Inquirer: Hillbilly romp runs out of gas pretty quickly
Dallas Observer: White Trash

Crash course:
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: ‘Dukes’ update is a shiny package that crashes hard
Village Voice: Crash and Burn: Inanimate Dukes Update Salutes Idiocy

Just a good ol’ headline:
Charlotte Observer: Not-so-good ol’ boys
USA Today: ‘Dukes’ is good ol’ barnyard fun

Reviewing Jessica Simpson’s shorts:
New York Times: Where the Shorts are Short and the Drivers are Reckless
Boston Globe: Skimpy acting exposes weak ‘Dukes of Hazzard’
Minneapolis Star Tribune: ‘Hazzard’ plot is itty-bittier than a pair of Daisy Dukes
Atlanta Journal-Constitution: Not even Jessica’s Daisy Dukes can save ‘Hazzard’

Not even trying:
Washington Post: ‘Dukes of Hazzard': Just Enjoy The Ride

The original sucked too:
Seattle Post-Intelligencer: Remake of ‘Dukes’ is faithful to its namesake and just as low-brow lame

Best unexpected literary reference:
New York Daily News: A Confederacy of Dunces

addCredit(“Dukes of Hazzard: Sam Emerson”)

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  • EP Sato

    Um, did anyone else notice that the only good review of this movie seems to have come from…gulp… Entertainment Weekly?
    It got a 25% tomato rating, which is always a bad sign.
    Here’s my favorite among the critics reviews by Brian Juergen:
    “”A lapdance, a fifth of cheap whiskey, and a lube job would offer the same elements and be a hell of a lot more fun.”
    OUCH

  • Tyler D

    It seems appropriate that USA Today is one of the only publications praising the movie, considering it’s spent its lifetime lower IQs across America.

  • Tyler D

    Sorry, that was supposed to be “lowering IQs” (Oh, the irony!).

  • Dustin

    I cannot believe this movie got a B+ from Entertainment Weekly, it pisses me off because you guys have given some better movies far worse reviews…. For one the island got a c, Star Wars got a B- and Even Bewitched is better then this piece of crap, which i just got back from seeing and the only good thing in this movie is Jessica Simpsons shorts, you guys used to be the people i would look for to see if a movie was good or not but now, you guys REALLY suck.

  • djm

    I can’t believe that EW gave it such a good grade either. Is it a Time/Warner movie? That could explain the good grade and the cover story…

  • djm

    Actually, I just looked it up and yes, it is a Warner Bros movie (which as EW CONTANTLY reminds us is a division of Time/Warner which owns EW) – I guess that explains why there are like 3 stories on the EW page today about this crap movie and why it’s reviewer gave it anything higher than a “D”.

  • Debbie B.

    Uh, DJM, did you ever count how many Warner movies got BAD grades from EW? Lots. On the other hand, I defend your right to criticize EW for giving a good review to this one.

  • Opinion Times

    Dukes of Hazzard: A Bikini Top and Cutoffs Makes Hollywood “Wicked Pleased”

    Well stated review of the new ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ movie by the Denver Post:
    Once upon a time, the Box Office Fairy sewed together a form-fitting pair of denim cutoffs.
    No one knows if the Box Office Fairy is good or evil; she merely ca…

  • JD

    Seriously, why did Entertainment Weekly give this movie a good review? It looks terrible, even in the trailers.

  • daisyj

    I particularly like the San Francisco Chronicle’s headline: “All hail ‘The Dukes of Hazzard,’ the absolute monarchs of horrid”.

  • A Socialite’s Life

    Americans Embrace Crap Over The Weekend

    While I’m not surprised that the Dukes of Hazzard opened at number one, I’m surprised that the film earned over $30 million at the box office. Is $8 – $10 really worth paying to see Jessica Simpson in short shorts? I think not. Popwatch as some review…

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    Advanced MP3 Catalog Download

    Download advanced mp3 catalog pro Advanced MP3 Catalog is designed for anyone … Generate and print reports and CD covers, export your catalog, search for …

  • Jim Gleeson

    My headline was:
    Warning: Hazzardous Material…Could Kill Brain Cells If Viewed
    This movie was appalling. Willie Nelson and burt Reynolds must have something particularly nasty in their closet to have been roped into this one.

  • Gaming Server

    Gaming Server

    I have enjoyed reading your article, thanks.

  • Laura

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