The winner of today’s absolute frickin’ best (but probably totally unsubstantiated) rumor: Paula Abdul is about to exit American Idol, and Whitney Houston (left) is set to take her place.
(Sure, we can pause for a sec.)
Okay, finished applying a cold compress to your forehead? I know, seriously, how unbelievably awesome would that be? I mean, not only does this conjure up images of Whitney waving her hand all up in Simon’s face, and doing synchronized dances with Randy, but it could mean a whole new vernacular for the judging process. Mind you, it’ll all still be totally incomprehensible for contestants and viewers alike, but also a heckuva lot more entertaining.
If you’ve got any doubt, check out some sample entries from my new (and by "new," I mean "imaginary") Paula-to-Whitney Dictionary, which features close approximations of things Abdul and Houston have actually said on American Idol and Bravo’s Being Bobby Brown, respectively. Coming soon to imaginary bookstores everywhere!
While Paula says: ”That was a little pitchy.”
Whitney might say: ”Hell to the no!”
Paula: ”You did your best.”
Whitney: ”I want your steak and eggs.”
Paula: ”Come on, Ryan!”
Whitney: ”We don’t say s— to you. Deal with it, Seacrest. Deal with it.”
Paula: ”You are the contestant to beat in this competition.”
Whitney: ”That’s black love, baby!”
Paula: ”Shut up, Simon, shut up!”
Whitney: ”Simon, I will knock the s— out of you!”
Seriously, who’d be the better judge: Paula or Whitney? Or is there another diva out there who’s worthy of the seat?
Comments (1-30) of 43 Add your comment
Whitney would kick a$$, it would be hilarious, very entertaining and would kick things up a notch. Paula is boring and belongs back in the 80s along with her bad hair.
Unfortunately, this writer is treating Whitney like a joke. And yeah, I know her behavior of late has been erratic to say the least. But the bottom line is that Whitney is too good for this show and Paula is not good enough. Paula Abdul is not qualified to be a judge on AI.
Whitney is the black version of Britney trailor trash. America is laughing at her sophmoraic bad manners. At least Paula acts like a lady.
Paula is much better than Whitney! I love paula!
Who’s calling Paula a lady??????? She can’t sing to save her life, she loves every contestant (and sleeps with one of them)…no, the woman’s no lady.
Whitney, despite her decay, is way too good for AI. And really, do you think Simon would want someone more famous than he will ever be, sitting beside him? Ummmm, I don’t think so.
OK, seriously, do we really want to watch either one of them on TV? I’m all for getting a singer with real talent, of which we are in short supply. I would rather watch Paula though, because Whitney would miss too many shows do to rehab and scary constipation “black love” moments! But seriously, Paula has been Paula forever, Whitney used to be a good Christian girl, and now she’s off the deep end of the “I’m whatever is in style” religion that most of hollywood is. (Remember when being buddhist was cool? And then came Kaballah and everyone joined it!) I say scrap them both and just have Randy and Simon!
The Paula-Whitney Translator
While yesterday saw the world go midly breathless by the thought that Whitney Houston is rumored to replace Paula Abdul…
Brilliant. Idol needs a wacko like Top Model needed Janice Dickinson. But you know she’d never do it unless Bobby was allowed on too, and that ain’t gon’ happen. God forbid we have to sit through one of their trainwreck “duets”.
Hey Angelina: If you are going to judge someone, why don’t you use your spell-check before you put your brilliance before the world. BTW, its “trailer”, not “trailor” AND “sophomoric”, not “sophmoraic”. You, my dear, are a dumba$$.
gee, koo, relax. If you we’re paying a little more attention, you would have realized it wasn’t angelina who made that comment, but terri. and who cares! it’s a blog, not a thesis.
i think whitney’s a wacko–or is it whacko, tell me, koo. Anyway, i don’t watch either program and only get by from the TV Watch the next morning. Which, by the way (not BTW–because that’s just lazy…again, koo), are hilarious!
I think I would want Whitney, just to see what EW’s TV Watch would say the mornings following shows. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard- great blog, Michael!
I actually would LOVE Whitney on Idol. I didn’t watch last season, because frankly, Abdul was boring. I think that with Randy and Simon deeply perched on their weird little personae, they need a stronger female between them. An unpredictable element that will be just as likely to cry, laugh or cut them!
I WOULD LOVE WHITNEY! However, I think Madonna would be great.
The Paula-Whitney Translator
While yesterday saw the world go mildly breathless at the thought that Whitney Houston is rumored to replace Paula Abdul…
Train Wreck TV
Oh please tell me this is true. Whitney Houston replacing Paula Abdul on American Idol? I would call such an occurence “must-see TV,” but that really doesn’t capture it…it would be more like “rubbernecking,” if you see what I mean….
Paula is way too busy serving on the supreme court:
http://www.clevercaption.com/83.html
Yikes!!! I think I have had my fill of Ms Houston-Brown. I don’t think Simon would like the competition of having a bigger, more talented star on the bench. No, sadly I think we are stuck with Ms Abdul. My suggestion for a replacement would be Deborah Gibson – at least she knows something about music and would (hopefully) be way more honest than Paula.
Just the mention of the possibility makes me want to watch AI next season, cuz the last season sucked monkey nuts. Whitney would be the laugh riot desperately lacking from the show. How funny would it be to have people butcher her music right in her face. At least Whitney has music that people can actually audition with, Paula.
Would you really want a wack job like Whitney on the show. Paula may get on your nerves, but at least you don’t have to worry about her lighting up a joint at the judges table.
I think she’s PERFECT for Paula’s job. I’m picturing Whitney on a bender, swiveling her neck and raging at Simon, “Oh! Hell to the no, you di’int! Simon, I said crack is wack and I meant it! And it’s time for you, Simon, YOU, to put down that pipe and realize that that little girl up there sang her A** off! A’ight?!! Baaaaa Beee! Where’s my Bobby?! I need my baby! Bobby!!!
if there is anyone who deserves to be on the ai judges panel it’s WHITNEY HOUSTON having sold over 100 million albums and over 50 million singles. WHITNEY is an iconic legendary female vocalist of all time. We all have made wrong decisions in life and have dealt with the consequences. Look out because the year 2006 will have WHITNEY’S name all over it with or without ai because she is a strong survivor. Much love to WHITNEY. I will always love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whitney can really add value and a needed presence to AI. Even though she may offer the most sound feedback, my concern is that she wouldn’t handle panel conflict in a manner appropriate for television. How about Lalah Hathaway, Regina Belle, or a living legend like Dolly Pardon or Aretha Franklin?
On one hand. Whitney would be bad for the show because she can’t even sing on pitch due to her drug problems so I doubt she’ll be able to hear when some one is “pitchy”. I can see her being really hostile and taking the focus away from the show and making it look stupid. However, her fighting w/ Simon and possibly Randy would be funny! Yet, fighting every night with Simon would be boring and take away viewers. They are also considering Mariah Carey…another bad choice. I can’t see her doing that. I think they should go with…well, I can’t think of it right now, but who ever it is it shouldn’t be those two! (may be they should make a Paula clone
(Just kidding)
Whitney is now exactly what I had in mind for a Paula replacement. I think they should get Kelly Clarkson. She’s already been on the show and knows what the judges are looking for. It could inspire the contestants to reach her status and her help can make the competition more chalanging and fun to watch! But Kelly would be the only one from the group of ppl who won american idol because Justin – career gone south, Ruben – career seemingly gone south, Clay – I hear he’s really vain, Fantasia – barely started a career, Bo – would be a good spin, but you need a girl to balance out the two guys, The girl that beat Bo (sorry I 4got her name) – too early in her career, and the girl that lost to fantasia (I 4got her name too *tear*) – too young.
i love the idea of a true diva stepping in and handling and giving critical comments when necessary!!!!! however Whitney will do the job with spunk and attitude ( oh yeah bay and i mean att-ti-tude!!)) my best canididate for this job would be the one and only talented all around DIVA!!! MRS>> DEBBIE ALLEN!!! oh yeah she will say” right now and here is where you start paying in sweat”"” fame I’m gonna live forever— people will then remember the name of the winner!!! as per said in prior comments “dtd 7/25/05 from caitlin….. holla back!!!!! on your comments on this candidate…. peace out from a diva herself from NYC
KM MAX2 OUT!!!!!!!!
You know what? It would be funny as hell. You saw “Being Bobby Brown”. It doesn’t get much better than
“I’m not doing this with him to-DAAAAAAY”! But you know she was on that stuff while it was being filmed.
I know they’re jokin’ about this but she would be a great guest judge. She will add a lot of fava to the show because w/o Fantasia, the show is weak. Anyway, all these years everyone thought Bobby was the bad guy, I ain’t sayin’ he’s good, but sista is wacked.
Whitney is the best candidate to replace Paula in AI.It will be far more interesting to see the real DIVA auditioning contestants and people have to accept her because she deserve it eventhough she got problems with drugs. Almost all world singers taking drugs…!!!!!!
I think whitney is the greatest female singer of all time no female singer can out sing her even while she’s on drugs and for america to have no singing paula abdul it just shows america dont know talent when they see it,whitney is the only female artist in the world that do not have to take off her cloth to sell 100 million records like madonna,britney,mariah nor janet so that should tell you who still is the best.
I Love Whitney to death and always will but I don’t think that this would be the right time for her to do something like this.I don’t want her on the show acting crazy that isn’t the Whitney that I love… She needs to get her life together first and I hope that she does soon her music is really missed.. i just don’t want to see her giving anyone advise and she is having so many things going on with in herself.. I think they should have celebrity singers lined up a new one each week to bring something new and different to the show..