R. Kelly is a man of the people. Thanks to his innovations in the art of lyrical composition, anyone can pen a Top 40 hit. I mean, first ”Thoia Thong” proved a chorus needn’t be more than the repetition of a fetching article of clothing. And now, his five-part ”Trapped in the Closet,” an (ahem) urban opera, shows that while melody is so five minutes ago, life’s most mind-numbing minutiae shouldn’t be ruled out as potential subject matter.
Don’t be intimidated, folks. I used a recent lunchtime escapade to pen my own opus, ”Trapped in the Deli,” and if all goes well, I’ll be out of this stinkin’ blog business and on top of the Billboard Hot 100 by the middle of next week.
One in the afternoon and my tumtum is starting to growl
All I had for breakfast was some Special K, it’s enough to make me howl
I step outside the office, it’s 84 degrees, the sidewalk smells of steaming trash
Better get inside the corner sandwich shop, before I do something rash
What’ll I have today? A grilled chicken sandwich sure sounds yum
But the guy behind the counter poses a question that leaves me numb
He asks, ”What kind of cheese?”
And then I say, ”What kind have you got?”
”Swiss, American, provolone.”
I say, ”Oh my god, this s— is on!”
And then he says, ”Now hold up, mister, I’ve only just begun.”
I say, ”no.”
He says, ”Yes.”
”No.”
”Yes.”
”No.”
”Yes.”
”No.”
”Yes.”
He’s saying something about pepper Jack and outside it starts to pour
I don’t have an umbrella, what the heck did I come here for?
Now I’m trapped in the deli
I really need to leave the deli (the deli)
I really wanted to leave work early (early)
To catch CSI: Miami
But I’m trapped in the deli (the deli) (the deli) (the deli)…
Comments (1-15) of 15 Add your comment
It’s an urban ditty, at the very least.
That was funny!
This is hilarious – but R. Kelly always makes me laugh as well.
Seriously, I love ‘Trapped…’ and dig R. Kelly (though TP3 reloaded is a little flat) But that Trapped in a Deli is frickin awesome… we need more!!
ROFLMAO!!!! I love the R’s song, but this author’s version is off da chain! LMFAO!!!
That’s some funny stuff.
But isn’t the original supposed to be funny as well? No? You’re telling me it’s meant to be a serious attempt at an “urban opera”?
*Thump*
Hilarious! Slezak always cracks me up!
Ok, “Trapped in the closet” is OFFICIALLY the worst song AND video ever made! I think R Kelly got bored with the whole fame thing long ago and to have fun, he makes the WORST CRAP EVER just to see if it sells. And surprisingly, it has. The only thing that could make this (said with sarcasm) “opus” any funnier is if he’s actually taking it seriously.
ROTFLMAO!!!! I just saw the R. Kelly video. Total camp classic! As far as soaps go, that video makes the crap that goesn down on “Passions” look like pure Shakespeare.
Michael, will you marry me?
That’s perfect. I just shared parts of the ‘Trapped in the Closet’ video with my sister, who had never seen it (lucky girl). And what’s fascinating about it is that it is so, so, so, so, so, so, so horribly, disturbingly bad…but also so squicked-out bizarre, that it somehow hooks you into watching more to see what happens next — and if any of it will start making sense.
I mean, “What’s that smell?” What the hell?!
Maybe I could write an urban opera, myself.
Howard Does What Needs to be Done
the way he does his job. For the Dallas Mavericks, that player is Josh Howard.
Unleash The Ombudsing. And The Not-Just-An-Ombudsing.
the former ombudsman for Boston Globe, and his piece is a unique look at what it”s like to have “what has
Death toll in China from storm up to 25 (AP)
who died when a torrent of water washed away a military barracks, state media
This relatively small study of 36 post-menopausal women comprised 81% white subjects. ,